I have a quick exercise for you.
– Make a list of five things you love about yourself.
– Make a separate list of five things you wish you could change about yourself, insecurities you harbor, negative self-talk that runs on a repeat reel, etc.
Which one was easier to write? If you’re like me (and many other humans on this planet!), we tend to be a lot better at identifying our faults than recognizing our strengths. You know that quote, “You are what you think about all day?” Your inner dialogue matters. When you spend your mental space in a place of questioning, doubt and fear there is less room for growth, self-confidence and happiness. 
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I have been trying to get really clear lately about the way that I talk to myself. I can definitely identify reoccurring patterns of the dragon variety and need my inner hero to knock that stuff down. I won’t even start the laundry list of things that wake me up in the middle of the night but it includes things like relationships, career, family, house woes, life direction and more. The thing that is so important to realize is that everyone walks around with these lists but the key is to choose to read the good list. When the negative reel starts playing, stop it and remind yourself all the things that you love about yourself, your life and what you offer to the world.
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This may be one of my favorite quotes of all time and it’s so true. When we are happy and full of good thoughts, it shows. It truly does radiate out of us. It’s the energy that draws other people to you and also draws more opportunity to you. When you are flowing in the direction of self-love, confidence and passion nothing can stop you.
Need a kickstart to help you write that list about things you love about yourself? I really love this (terrifying) but eye-opening exercise from Danielle LaPorte that gets you out of your own head and provides an outside perspective.
THE WHITE HOT TRUTH ASK-A-FRIEND SURVEY Sometimes another perspective can create a quantum leap for us. So take a deep breath and…just ask. Yeah, it’s a risk, but value is often proportionate to risk. Send your friend a link to this, paste it into an email, pour yourself a glass of wine and pick up the phone.
: What do you think is my greatest strength?
: How would you describe my style?
: What do you think I should let go of?
: When do you feel that I am at my best?
: What do you wish I were less of, for my sake?
: When have you seen me looking my most fabulous?
: What do you think I could give myself more credit for or celebrate more?
The prerequisite is this: only send these questions (or make up your own) to someone who: you respect, makes you feel more like yourself, and actively adores you. This isn’t about being critiqued or gutted. The purpose of this exercise is to see your self more clearly so that you can rise to your own fullness.
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It is okay to believe in yourself and your ability to accomplish whatever you set your mind to. It’s okay to live a unique life and write your own story. It’s okay to say nice things to yourself on a regular basis. We are all different in what makes us happy and in what makes us shine and that is what makes the world such an interesting place. Embrace what you have to offer the world. We can’t be all things to all people but we can fully give of our talents and passions. And it feels really good to do that.
Tell me FIVE things you love about yourself. Pay yourself FIVE compliments. And then I encourage you to unexpectedly compliment a friend, family member or co-worker today and tell them something you love about them.
I will be vulnerable with you. Here are five for me.
1) I am a good teacher with the ability to connect with others and motivate them through instruction.
2) I have a nice smile.
3) I am compassionate.
4) I am a good cook and my creative outlet is in the kitchen.
5) I have a strong and healthy body.
This post is a contribution to Folgers new online community, The Best Part. It’s all about spreading optimism, kindness, self-confidence, happiness and all that good stuff one share at a time through Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. We can all use a little more of this in our lives!
I love this post! It is so true, I just wrote a post today about how hard I have been on myself and how negative I have become. We need to focus on the good things about ourselves and that we have in our lives – because when you look at it there is always something great to be found! 🙂
Thank you so much for encouraging positive self-reflection.
We’re often too hard pressed to thoughtfully reflect on what makes us wholly awesome and beautiful!
Have a fabulous weekend, Jen!
Thanks, this is a great exercise and one that we all need to do more!
1. I am able to connect to youth and support them through their struggles.
2. I am honest.
3. I am a loyal friend and partner.
4. I am healthy.
5. I am a mindful and challenging Spin instructor.
Off to pay compliments!! Thanks again!
Thank you for this post, Jen. It came at a very good time for me!
This is why I love you. Thank you for being awesome!
Thanks Jen. I always wrap myself up in negative thoughts so this is a tough but loving exercise I can do for myself.
1. I am a good wife, I take care of my husband and I communicate with him.
2. I exercise regularly to stay healthy and strong.
3. I am driven to accomplish what is most important to me.
4. I care about my family deeply.
5. I have good calve muscles (It is extra hard to compliment myself on my body/body image).
Love, love, and LOVE!
1.) I try every day to set a good example and spread positivity
2.) I exercise regularly and respect my body by fueling it properly
3.) I’m a loyal girlfriend and friend
4.) I take other people’s feelings into consideration even when they don’t consider mine (this took some work but you never know what people are going through/have gone through that makes them act tr way they do)
5.) I actively work on my faults and try to improve every day
So true!!! If only we could see ourselves how God does… perfect in every imperfection.
This was a good motivation for me too. My whole life is changing and I am totally in a funk and beating myself down. So 5 compliments.
1. I have a big heart and I let myself feel other’s burdens.
2. I am a loyal and loving wife.
3. I will sacrifice my time to make someone else happy.
4. I am always kind to people, even when I don’t want to be.
5. I have a good body! (even though I tell myself often that I dont!)
Thanks for this! It was actually way harder than I thought.
This was harder to do than I originally guessed.
1. I am a hard worker.
2. I am committed to self improvement.
3. I am kind to animals and children.
4. My body is strong and healthy.
5. I am a high energy teacher and personal trainer.
This was exactly what I needed to read right now. It is so true that we are often our own worst critic and I know that my perfectionist tendencies make me feel inferior a lot of the time. This past year I have practiced positive self-talk daily and it is amazing how much it changes your overall mood.
1. I have a lot of love to give
2. I am a very creative person
3. I like my big eyes
4. I am ambitious and motivated
5. I purposely do things that scare me. Best way to get over a fear!
This is the first time i have actually written lists from a blog post. This is a great post. When I got to the part about asking someone who adores us to answer the five questions, I drew a blank as to who I could ask. I listed “flying solo” in life as a strength, because I can do it, and DO it. At the same time, it’s a weakness because I get lonely. Not sure where I am going with this, but anyway—very interesting and thought-provoking.
great post, jen! so much to think about and what a great exercise.
Hmmm this isn’t easy ! Even the positive things i can think of are almost immediately followed up with some negatives. i didn’t realize how much negative self talk i actually have going in my head ! Here’s what i got….
1. I am a fair boss and try to be encouraging and easy to talk to with my employees. I try to focus on their strengths rather than weaknesses.
2. I really love to do volunteer work when i can. Each year i adopt a family at christmas and by gifts and it is by far one of the highlights of my year. It almost feels a bit selfish at times because i get so much joy out of shopping and wrapping for the family. I wonder if they have any idea how much buying for them actually makes my xmas season ?
3. I am a loyal girlfriend, daughter, and sister. I try to be there for my family as much as possible and let them know i love and appreciate them.
4. i am a work in process yogi. i am so proud of myself each time i’m able to hold a pose just a second longer or actually clear my mind for 10 seconds during meditation. Yoga has been so great for my body and spirit and i’m so glad i kept with my practice especially in the beginning when i felt i just wasn’t “getting it”.
5. I am a great cook / baker. diagnosed almost 2 years ago with celiac i cook about 90-95% of my own food from scratch due to inability to eat out and not get sick. this means i’ve become a decent cook and have had to improvise in the kitchen. finally i can say…i am a good cook !
thanks for the exercise. this brings to light for me how much negativity i put out there for myself without even realizing !
New reader here.. This was really lovely. Thank you Jen! You inspire me.