I hope you’re having a restful and relaxing Sunday. I’m trying to enjoy a few hours of quiet around the house before I go over to the studio to lead a section of our 200-hour teacher training and teach a class.
I just made a pot of French press coffee and poured my first cup. I’ve got some bacon cooking in the oven and blueberry pancakes are sounding like a good brunch option this morning. I also just ate a few handfuls of Trader Joe’s peanut butter filled pretzels to hold me over until brunch. It is hard for me not to eat breakfast when I first wake up. I am programmed that way!
I was going to share recent eats this morning but I have a few other things on my mind/heart that I want to talk about so I’ll postpone the eats until later in the week. <3
Let’s have a coffee chat instead.
If we were having coffee this morning, I would be honest about my overly-ambitious to-do list for last week…
Remember that weekly planning post I shared last Sunday? Well, it was a tad overly-ambitious and I feel it my duty to report back to you that I accomplished approximately 60-ish% of the things I outlined. I wanted to tell you that because while having a plan can be helpful, I also think it’s important to be flexible and to give yourself a lot of grace when you’re doing the best you can. I did some things well but a few things are getting pushed to this week and that’s a-okay.
When I have a lot on my plate, I find these types of lists really helpful for keeping me focused and on-track but I try not to let them add additional stress. I am a chronic over-estimator when it comes to how much I can get done in a certain amount of time and it’s something I’m really working to get a better handle on!
If we were having coffee this morning, I would share that relationships are hard.
I don’t even know how to begin this conversation with you because it’s all so multi-layered and complicated but I also think you guys get that life is a little (a lot?) messy sometimes and not so black and white.
If you’ve been reading for any length of time, I’m sure that you’ve noticed that something has been off. Since the new year, Tanner and I have been dealing with some issues in our relationship. We have spent a period of time separated and have done a lot of talking and processing. To say that it’s been incredibly tough is an understatement. Relationship struggles are never easy and adding in a pregnancy takes it to a whole new level of both consideration and emotion.
Blogging is so hard because on the one hand, it’s so personal…but on the other, you still have a personal life…if that makes any sense at all? I am someone who needs time to process things and haven’t felt that I’ve been in a place to share about this before now. This is mostly due to how complex the situation is and how much there has been to sort through.
I still don’t have it figured out but I also have no desire to write a highlight-reel style blog so I do want to be honest with you about both the ups and downs of my life. This has been a huge down and never how I dreamed that I’d spend the months before my child’s birth.
To be honest, I am grateful that we are working through this before the baby comes but it hasn’t made for an easy couple of months during a time of life that is already so layered with anxiety and unknowns.
At this point, we are committed to coming together to welcome our son into the world in the most loving way possible as we continue to evaluate the best course forward for the two of us. I would really appreciate your love, support and prayers.
If we were having coffee this morning, I would tell you that I’m so looking forward to “springing forward” and the longer days.
After a tough few months, I am really looking forward to the arrival of spring and more daylight hours. The time changes next weekend! I feel so much connection with the spring season this year and the rebirth and renewal it brings with it. I love this picture I took yesterday where the trees are still barren but the Japanese Maple is in full bloom. It reminds me that even after dark, cold and dormant periods, that beauty comes again.
I have had countless people tell me about the way that my heart will change once baby boy is here and how I’ll experience love in a whole new way. I am eagerly awaiting meeting him and I think all the time about what he’s going to be like. I am grateful to be due in May at a time of year where cold and flu season isn’t as much of a concern and we’ll be able to get out and enjoy lots of nice weather and walking.
If we were having coffee this morning, I’d wrap it up with a hug and a thank you.
And with that, we’d probably both be ready to wrap up this coffee date. It was a heavy one…but life just is heavy sometimes. I’m so fortunate to have so many amazing people in my life who are willing and ready to get real and talk about heavy things with me. I appreciate the space that you guys hold for me to do that here and I sincerely hope that it also creates the space for you to feel not so alone in your own life and struggles. We are all doing the best we can. <3
So much love and so many thanks,
Jen
Here’s a great big hug for you & your growing baby! I appreciate your honesty & candor while respecting your desire to share your life while also keeping things to yourself. It seems you’ve found a balance you’re comfortable with when it comes to sharing with your readers. Kudos to you as this can be a hard balance to strike.
I loved your picture & comments concerning the blooming maple set against barren trees. It was a nice reminder.
Sending you hugs and wishes of strength and happiness! Thank you for your beautiful, brave honesty.
Lifting you up in prayer Jen. Thank you for sharing the good stuff and the hard stuff here- your honesty is refreshing ❤️
Sending you so much love and many hugs on this Sunday morning. As I’m dealing with my own learning curves and challenges with my personal relationship, I have so much empathy with how you’re feeling, and I can’t even imagine the added layer of being pregnant. Trust that you’re experiencing this hardship for a reason. You are so strong xxoo
Thank you always for your honesty. Relationships are SO hard! Wishing you peace, love and cupcakes as you work through this!
If you ever need to vent…shoot me an email! I am always here for you and sending you a big big hug. We are all here for you, whenever you need to lean on us!
Prayers and positive thoughts for you and your family!
Jen, I have been following your blog for many years now and have always appreciated your honesty and your openness. It is truly refreshing in a space where we often only see, as you put it, the “highlight reel.” Know that your bravery benefits us all and that you are supported here. Sending you strength, although I know you have plenty of it on your own!
Sending you love, prayers & positive thoughts.
I’m sending you so much love and support Jen, all the way from the North-East of England where the “Beast from the East” has brought winter back to us.
It sounds as if you and Tanner are both committed to doing the best you possibly can for your baby boy which is good to hear, even though I’m so sad that the past few months have been so hard for you.
Thinking of you xxx
Thank you for sharing Jen. The issues in my relationship increased exponentially during my pregnancy. It totally sucked and I’m sorry you are going through this. It’s a blessing you have the blog and a whole different type of support system here. I hope you and Tanner find a relationship dynamic that is the best for you both and Baby G.
Sending lots of love and positivity your way. Trust your gut and you’ll do what’s best for yourself, and ultimately that’s what is best for baby boy too. Don’t be too hard on yourself, life is messy. Xo
I totally agree with Chelsea. Whatever will be will be and you shall overcome all obstacles and I know you will be a great mother to Baby Boy..
I love you, Jen. Beauty and new life are coming -spring is near!! The heavy and complicated parts of life will always exist in different arenas but I’m praying for peace and love to surround you. Hugs to you!!
All the hugs and love and positive thoughts to you! I’ve also been dealing with a very personal situation since early January and I can’t even fathom all the emotions your are dealing with. You are so strong and so loved by a lot of people (including internet strangers!) – you can and will get through this! Thank you for sharing and that Japanese maple is such a great reminder of the upcoming season of renewal <3
Sending love and hugs!
Sending you much love and support, also from the UK.
Praying for continued strength to get you through your pregnancy and to deal with your relationship difficulty. You are a strong woman!
I am so sorry about your stress and anxiety in your personal life. But, I am thankful you shared and are so candid and honest. I appreciate you sharing life’s messy side. You’re hands down my favorite blogger, large in part because of your authenticity. I pray for your sweet son and that you can find peace. Your support system is incredible, and you have some very strong friendships. Just try to focus on YOURSELF and what is best for that sweet son of yours. You’re almost there. I cannot even imagine what you must be going through, and you are the strongest woman I “know”. Take care of yourself, and remember self-love. You’re so worth it, and any man that can’t see that is just plain dumb. Hugs.
Issues in my relationship magnified during my pregnancy too. I don’t know if it was coincidental or if stress begets stress. I do know that it was unspeakably hard. Sorry you’re having to go through it.
Thank you so much for continuing to share your journey through lifes obstacles. Sending positive thoughts to you and your little boy! I’ve had so much fun following along during your pregnancy and can’t wait to see him! Much love, Jessica.
Sending you love Jen. You will get through this, I know you will! Xo
Thanks for your honesty, I realize its not easy to share the really personal stuff. But many of your loyal readers probably already realized that you were experiencing something of the sort. Take care of yourself and your baby. Figuring it out now is much better than once you have started down the more traditional arrangement, only to discover its not going to work. Best wishes!
Jen,
Even though we have never met, you know that you have had such an influence on my life…as I’ve shared before, I took the path of personal trainer, and then yoga teacher, based so much on your influence. I feel that connection with you, and my heart has been so heavy for you these last few weeks. I hope you feel the love of not only your family and friends, but this community of people like myself. I’m sending my love, my prayers, and all the good vibes in the world to you and Baby G. I hope things can settle a little in your heart and mind in these last couple of months before baby makes his arrival. All of my love to you. <3
Lovely Jen, I am sending you my love and hugs. I love both you and Tanner very much xoxoxox
Oh Jen, my heart goes out to you during this extremely challenging time. Pregnancy is such a rollercoaster so adding in relationship challenges is kind of unfathomable. You are such a strong person with an amazing support system and so many people who love you. Pregnancy definitely is a humbling experience as you learn your limits and you learn how to ask for help.
I usually do not offer unsolicited advice so please take this with a grain of salt and completely ignore it if it doesn’t resonate with you. But as someone who just gave labor 3 days ago (we welcomed our beautiful son on Thursday afternoon via c-section after a stalled out induction), I would consider having your best friend and doula as your support people in labor and delivery. The labor and delivery room is the most intimate and vulnerable place I have ever been. So I don’t know if you were planning to have Tanner in there or not, you might want to re-consider it… It sounds like you guys are going to come together for your son and give him all he needs from you guys, but that delivery room is just such a weird and emotional place. So it just might result in confusion of how you truly feel about him after going through something like that. Or it might add an element of anxiety to a situation that is already intense. I had no idea what to expect for l&d since this was our first pregnancy.
Anyways, unsolicited advice is usually a TERRIBLE idea but since I delivered so recently I thought I would share my experience in case it helps at all as you come up with your birth plan.
Sending you much love and hugs!
Sending you a virtual hug, positive energy and strength to you right now, Jen. Having your first baby is tumultuous enough without the added relationship challenge. I am so sorry to hear that this is happening. My hope for you is that you have your village to lean on now, and in the future, and that you can go to bed every night thinking: I did the best I could today and whatever that was, it was ok.
PS now I want blueberry pancakes.
Sending prayers for you and your family. May God hold you in his hands and give you the strength for each day. Thank you for sharing ❤️
Hi,
I’m a longtime reader, infrequent commenter, but I felt compelled to respond to this post. We’ve never met but our lives have so many parallels. I can relate to what you’re going through, and I think your honesty and vulnerability are what make your blog so special and relatable. From reading your blog for years, and all the comments on this post, it sounds like you and your son are surrounded by love. Take comfort knowing that whatever happens, both of you will be ok. Sending you both my very best wishes. Thanks for sharing.
Jen, thank you as always for your bravery and open heart. Sending love and prayers your way. You are so loved by this community.
xo
Sending love, support and encouragement always!!!
You deserve big hugs and mad respect for this. You’re doing the right thing. Pregnancy makes things harder than you’d ever imagine, so give yourself a break when you can. You’re doing everything right. And it’s all going to be awesome.
xoxo
Jen, life is messy, love is never smooth, and parenting will be an entirely new adventure and challenge. I have no doubt that you’re up for it-you got this girl ❤️Sending lots of love and support your way.
Thanks for your honesty. So many blogs I follow seem to have a major highlight reel in the relationship department. It’s hard not to because a relationship involves another persons privacy and respect and most people would make things worse saying anything on a public platform. But the reality is life is stressful and exhausting already. Then you add a life change like a baby and EVERYTHING is put to the test. Like whoa! Sometimes I question everything and other times everything is fine. There will be a lot more up and downs and that is what makes life beautiful.
Longtime reader here but I rarely comment. Pregnancy is hard emotionally and I can’t imagine having to do it while having issues in a relationship. You’ve always seemed like an extremely strong person, Jen. You’re going to be a great mom and your son is lucky to have you. I hope you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and prepare for the birth of your son. You’ll do great.
Wishing you all the calm and happy vibes in the world.
you are in my thoughts, Jen.
we’re on a different journey but I – like you – am working through some things that are challenging me and making me feel super stuck all at once.
I wish you clarity and peace as you move through the months ahead.
Sending hugs and kisses your way. I’m amazed at your courage in sharing your thoughts here and just wanted to let you know your blog has given me so much light over the past few years.
One of the many reasons why I value you writing so much is because we’ve gone through similar issues at similar times- I lost a friend of mine unexpectedly when you lost your brother and I’m also going through some relationship issues. These things are super hard and I wish you the best. <3 <3 <3
Sending you lots of prayers during this difficult time, Jen! I have always loved your blog because you’ve never tried to make things seem perfect (because we all have messy lives!) and you’re so real and honest. I know everything will work out the way it’s supposed to for you! I’m so excited for the arrival of your baby boy!
How you share your life in an honest and open, yet respectful, way is so admirable. Always cheering for you, sweet friend! <3
Sending you love and support as you navigate the waters right now! It sounds like you have an amazing support system and I have no doubt that your baby (and you!) will be loved and cared for.
Oh, Jen – I just want to hug you! Pregnancy can be tough enough even in the most stable of relationships. I’m sorry for your pain and appreciate you sharing it. I don’t know what your path forward looks like, but I’ve been reading long enough to know you are a strong woman with a good heart. I am certainly wishing you the best.
Sending you all the prayers, love and peace for your coming days and weeks 🙂 You send out so much love to us on a daily basis and my wish for you is that the universe pours it back into you!
Sending you lots of love and hugs!! I have been following your blog since waaaay back, one of my favorites. I am so sorry you are going through difficult relationship issues at such a vulnerable time in your life, but with the wonderful family and friends surrounding you, you will be fine!! Btw, that is a Japanese tulip tree, lol! Beautiful!!
You are so courageous and strong, while maintaining such a sensitive, intuitive spirit. That will serve you well in motherhood. I’m praying that you will feel some burdens lifted very soon. Maybe a little burden today to give you some hope, and big burdens in the coming season of joy. Sending you (and baby G) so much love!
Just found your blog a couple of weeks ago and have read some of your early stuff. I love your writing style and your dogs are the cutest. It’s ironic that when I read your Folly Beach post I wondered whether something was up in your relationship. Just something about your writing style has been a bit different.
All that to say I’ve been through it and it’s SO hard. Kind of ridiculous to say that I’m rooting for a positive outcome (whatever that ends up being) since we don’t even know each other but I feel like every bit of positive karma out there with our name on it helps.
Take care.
I am so sorry to read this, Jen. I admire your strength, your level-headedness, and your perseverance. You are so strong (physically and emotionally). What an awful time for this to happen – but as you say, maybe it is for the best to work it out before Baby boy arrives. Thanks for sharing – I have always loved your blog, but have especially been following the pregnancy updates. You guys will be in my prayers in the coming months. Take good care of yourself mama!
I have to admit that, for a period, I was reading your blog just by habit. But since your pregnancy, something has changed and it makes me want to stay and continue to come here. From this side of the computer, I just can say that something is different, in a very good way. I feel like something has shifted, but I cannot pinpointed.
Good luck with everything. A baby needs love. A lot. The rest is a bonus.
i am so sorry. sending a virtual hug all the way from ohio. i am thinking of you and hoping for whatever outcome would bring happiness to your heart and soul.
Jen, I think about you every day (and not in a creepy stalker way) but in a way that sends love and good mojo to you. I hope things work out for you in the best possible way where you are happy and peaceful. Baby’s G is very lucky to have you as his Mom.
Thank you for your honesty. I’m so grateful for people who can be honest with their life. I sometimes find our world is full of people living a very “perfect life” instead of owning their own story. However, I like the people who can own their own story better.
Hi Jen,
Something has seemed off, but your perseverence has not. You are going to be such an incredible mother and that’s the most important thing right now. Things will work out how they should.. but the unknown is very difficult. Keep doing what you’re doing and know that we are here for you , cheering you on.
Life is heavy. It’s okay to be honest about that.
Keeping you and baby G in my Heart!!
Jen,
Sending you an abundance of good thoughts from Arlington, VA. You are very strong woman and I appreciate as always your thoughtful honesty. I know you have a lot of good vibes coming your way from not only family and friends but your blog readers as well!
Best,
Lisa
Sending love, hugs, positive vibes and prayers for strength to you and your baby.
Thank you so much for being so honest with us. I know it must be such a hard thing to share, and I’m sending love and prayers your way.
Sending you love and prayers for what I can only imagine is an incredibly stressful season. Relationships ARE hard, and the most important relationships you have are the ones with yourself and with your baby. Take good care.
Send you all the love, happiness and peace in the world, Jen. Your authenticity is so appreciated and that baby boy is so lucky.
Long time reader, infrequent commenter, but just wanted to say – you definitely have our prayers and support, and more well wishes for you and baby boy than you can handle!! We’re all rooting for you!
Jen, I look forward to your blog posts every week! I find them so inspirational but admire the honesty you share when life presents challenges like this. I’m so excited for you being so close to welcoming your baby boy into the world. I have a 2 year old little boy and can’t even begin to put into words the amount of joy and love he brings.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers <3 Keep your head up and know that things will work out!
Kristen Helms
Sending so much peace and love and prayers your way. I survived relationship struggles during my pregnancy with my 3rd (back in 1998!) and although I found myself a single parent of 3, I rocked it with them and they are grown now. No doubt, you will rock motherhood regardless of what happens and I can’t wait to follow along!
Big prayers for you and Tanner as you are working through everything. Relationships are tough! Thanks for your honesty here. I know you know this, but you are not alone! One thing that is not unknown- you are going to be a wonderful mother!
This is quite a refreshing post. However I must say that relationship is indeed hard, but in the end the decision should be “What is good for you”. As a parent in her 50’s that is my take.
Late comment here – chronically behind on blogs. But I just wanted to say that you are going to be a fabulous mother -and your honesty, strength, and perseverance are truly amazing. Sending positive energy your way.
And, on a non-serious note, do you mind sending some of your sunshine, blue skies, and warmth back up north? 😉 Thanks!
Hi Jen,
You’ve been on my mind so much since I first read this post that I wanted to come back & comment. I hope everything works out for you & Tanner according to whatever you are wishing, but if it’s worst case scenario, & you end up raising your son as a single mom, I just wanted you to know that I was a single mom to my daughter for all of her childhood & for a good chunk of that I didn’t have much of a support system. I actually look back on that time very fondly. It was just the 2 of us, & we had/have such a bond as a result. Yes, there are some challenges here & there, but I promise you it’s nothing you can’t handle. You’re life is about to change forever in the best way possible, & you will be an amazing mom. Best of luck to you all!
Jen, I have been loving your website and recipes for years, though have only semi-followed your blog because I have trouble keeping up with all things, haha. That being said, when I realized you were blogging about your pregnancy and you were about 6 months ahead of me I got really into following your blog- it has been so fun to be able to see what to expect through the weeks. I was initially trying to just follow your blog according to how far along I was (hence me commenting on a post from 6 months ago!), but I have gotten so into it I’m starting to move ahead! Anyway, I am constantly inspired by how real and honest you can be on your blog- I find it tremendously helpful for providing a sense of normality when I can relate to the ups and downs of someone else’s life, especially during pregnancy (and with anxiety!). It really feels like chatting with a friend! I can second how much a relationship can change/evolve/be tested through pregnancy. I wish I could give you a big hug, so consider this a virtual hug! The only thing I can say is just remember that everything will be okay no matter how life unfolds. You are a strong woman and seem to have a great support network around you. Thank you so much for sharing your life with us! <3 <3