I can’t believe that I’ve wrapped up three weeks of being Finn’s mom.
I can’t believe how much he seems to change every single day. He is teaching me so much already…especially around love, forgiveness, patience, surrender and relaxing into a new flow.
THE FOURTH TRIMESTER: WEEK THREE POSTPARTUM
Body changes: after the initial loss of all the swelling, puffiness and fluids, I’ve leveled out at 5 pounds over the weight I was when I got pregnant. That said, my body composition is very different! As I mentioned in last week’s update, I’ve lost a lot of my pre-pregnancy lean muscle mass but that’s something to work on at a later date when I feel ready. I’m not in any rush to change anything about my body right now and feel overall comfortable and happy in it.
Overall, although physical recovery from c-section surgery has been quite a challenge for me, I’ve been amazed by my body’s ability to do all the things it’s done after childbirth…from producing milk to feed the baby to my uterus shrinking back down to healing and much more. It’s truly a miracle.
Breastfeeding: we are doing it! I’m so proud of Finn and myself for hanging in there through three tough weeks and finding our way with breastfeeding. I recently had a guy in my life ask why in the world a woman would need to see a lactation consultant and say isn’t “breastfeeding natural…women have been doing it for thousands of years.” To his defense, he didn’t mean it in a bad way…he just truly didn’t understand. It is so crazy that something that does seem “natural” can be so foreign and hard.
At his two week weight check he had gained a whole pound over his birth weight so his pediatrician (and his mommy!) were super happy about that. Finn and I have really good days and some days are a struggle. Sometimes it can even vary from feeding to feeding! I’ve had to really relax around those challenging days and feedings and not get myself into a googling panic of “baby latching and unlatching and spitting up.” The next thing I know I’m going down the rabbit hole of gas and reflux and all sorts of other things. I have to remind myself that the pediatrician said gas is normal, pooping on your back is hard, spitting up is normal as long as he’s happy and he’s gaining weight.
I truly believe that when I get super stressed/anxious when we’re breastfeeding that “something might be wrong” Finn can feel it and it ends up perpetuating those feedings that are frustrating and worrisome. If I just give it some time, he almost always gets himself back on track in a feeding or two and is super relaxed and latching and eating well.
Sleep: sleep in week three was broken but normal for a newborn. There were quite a few evenings where it was really challenging to get him back down after his 10-11 p.m. feeding. We were up until almost 1 a.m. with him crying and unable to settle down but we’re figuring that out and it’s been better lately. Overall, I’m getting enough rest and not finding that I need to nap during the day. This is in large part to us being able to sleep until 9 a.m. most mornings! I just have to say that I don’t know how you mamas that have a newborn and other children to take care of do it!
Symptoms/recovery:
- Night sweats. Still happening but they are finally starting to improve a little!
- Bleeding. It’s finally slowing down! I can sometimes go a day or two with very little bleeding and then I’ll have it pick up for a day or two but it’s nowhere near where it was those first 10 days or so.
- Pain relief. In week three I was back to taking Ibuprofen every day but half the dose I was taking when I came home from the hospital. I’ve been having a lot of incision and abdomen pain.
- C-section recovery: To continue on the pain relief bullet…week three postpartum brought ALL THE OUCH when it comes to my c-section. The pain at my incision in my abdomen started to intensify around day 18 postpartum and I’ve been taking Ibuprofen again every day since. I called the nurse at my practice on Friday and she said that as long as I’m not running a fever or experiencing swelling, drainage, things being hot to the touch, that I’m okay and it’s normal. I’ve just been so surprised by the pain because I assumed things would keep improving…not get worse after a few weeks! She told me to give it a solid six weeks before I’m feeling more normal. When I think about it, it makes sense. There are so many layers of things healing in my body…it’s not just the superficial incision. It’s been painful to get up and down, to go over speed bumps in the car and to have anything pressing into my stomach/incision…whether that’s a seatbelt or a waistband or even the Brest Friend pillow.
- Appetite: I’m eating three meals a day but the timing of them is crazy. Breakfast is usually sometime between 9:30-10:30 a.m. Lunch is anytime between 2-4 p.m. and dinner is between 8:30-9:30 p.m. It’s sometimes a challenge to get around to feeding myself when I have a little man who is very hungry, very often! 🙂 As far as my food choices, I’m 100% following the path of intuitive eating and eating whatever I feel like eating…whether that’s salad or frozen pizza.
- Headaches: These completely went away after two weeks postpartum. Just wanted to provide an update in case anyone else has experienced this.
- Upper back/neck pain: This is a constant (from all the sitting that I’m doing and breastfeeding). I’m starting to introduce some gentle stretches into my daily routine and I’ll see the chiropractor again early next week.
Emotional well-being: The biggest thing I’m dealing with on this front is loneliness. I always feel like I have to add the disclaimer that Finn is amazing and I love being his mom so, so much but the days can be long, sometimes boring and very lonely. It has been difficult to go from being busy and active to “one with the couch” as one of my Instagram followers so perfectly put it.
Part of me is trying really, really hard to slow down and soak up these slow and sweet days because I know that before long he won’t let me hold him like this. But part of me is also a little stir crazy. It’s weird because I don’t feel like I’m in a rush to get back to work or that I want my old life back…I very much love my life with Finn and want to spend as much time with him as possible. It’s so confusing!
I’ve been trying to get out of the house here and there but there are only so many things that I can come up with to do and it’s been really hot and humid out so that’s preventing us from doing as much outdoor stuff and walking as I’d like to do. Sometimes the days seem to stretch out so long in front of me and I wonder how we’re going to make it to the end of the day.
Finn took his first trip to Lululemon and the mall last Friday! I got a few things at Lulu and he got a few outfits at Baby Gap. Next week I have things on the agenda like chiropractor, a long overdue hair appointment, going to a carseat check and a follow-up appointment for Finn.
I’m very much looking forward to my mom arriving on Tuesday and I’ll be going back to Florida with her to take Finn to visit with my dad and my grandmother (she cannot travel here and it’s important for me that Finn meets her). I can’t wait to have my mom here hanging out with me and I think the change of scenery to spend some time at the beach with my family will be just what we need!
Workouts/activity: just walking and zero desire to do anything other than that. We’ve stretched some of our walks out to 45-60 minutes now so that is really nice. We usually do them late in the evenings once the sun has set a bit and it’s not so hot. It’s a great way to end the day. I can’t imagine doing anything more than walking and some gentle stretching right now given my c-section recovery but I will say that I miss running and can’t wait to get back to even an easy 3 miles here and there. (But will most definitely take my time with that.)
I finally got the BOB stroller assembled and air in the tires and we are loving it. It’s so easy to handle on walks!
New normal: the best way I can describe life with Finn is finding a new normal. There are incredibly beautiful and tender moments (snuggles, bathtime, book reading, sweet feedings) and very hard moments (crying and fussiness, feedings where he won’t stay latched, the inability to get things done when he’s awake, feeling lonely) but we are finding our way together. I can’t imagine my life without him and I can’t wait to see all the ways he continues to grow and change.
And his sisters are also settling into life with their new baby brother! They are doing great!
QUESTIONS
Any suggestions for getting out of the house with a baby? What did you do?
Those who had c-sections…did you find that your soreness/pain ebbed and flowed? How many weeks did it take to feel “more like your normal self?”
Favorite babywearing wrap/device? And any babywearing resources to share?
Who do you guys think Finn looks like? Sometimes I feel like it’s very obvious when a baby favors one parent but with Finn I can’t tell!
So jealous of your upcoming trip to FL and baby’s first beach trip!
The general consensus is that no one can tell!!!!
I’m so looking forward to my visit to Florida!
My biggest piece of advice for getting out of the house is to look for a new mothers group. I went to one though the hospital and it was a great place for me to meet other new moms, talk about life with a baby, ask crazy questions and form new friendships. 9 year later some of those women are still some of my best mom friends. There is just something about meeting women who are in the same place you are that is really nice and different even from friendships with friends who have older kids/who are out of the new mom phase.
I was just coming to recommend this! I joined a mother’s group for the first time when my daughter was around 9 months old. Before that I struggled a lot! I’m not exaggerating when I say it was life changing. Having a set time and place to meet up with other moms going through the same thing as me was so good for me and good for my baby! These women became my friends and their babies were my daughters first friends as well. My daughter is now 19 (!] and I’m still friends with several of them after all these years, through moves, etc. Your hospital might have a breastfeeding support group or new mothers group.
Thanks so much for sharing this Michelle! I have a text group with some other ladies who were due within 2-3 months of me so we’ll have to make it an in-person thing soon! So cool to hear that you still get together with some of them 19 years later!!!!
Thank you Erin! I am definitely leaning on my female friends during this time and luckily I do have a text group with a few other new first time moms. We need to start having in-person get togethers!!!
C-section soreness that ebbs and flows…yes!!! With both of mine, I noticed this, and I attributed some if it to upticks in my own activity. It was a bit of a cycle for me: as I felt better, I moved around more, which caused more soreness, etc etc. A lot like running, lifting and yoga! As you try new things, there will be new soreness. It’s all part of the process. I remember vividly the morning when I could finally sit (rather than roll ?) out of bed! You are strong and healthy, and your body knows how to heal and repair itself. Thinking of you!
Hey Jess – thanks for sharing about your c-section recovery process. It’s helpful. I am continually reminding myself…be gentle and patient!
I can remember that newborn loneliness phase like it was literally yesterday and my daughter is almost a year and half. I absolutely felt the same way, like I had no idea how we’d get to the end of the day and I had no idea how to fill our time sometimes. It gets sooo much better. Pretty soon getting him out of the house won’t take forever and he will be interested in so many things. For now I recommend definitely finding a moms group (something I so wish I had done but didn’t until much later) and trying to tell yourself that your only lonely “for right now.” Sometimes when it got hard I would try to think of that phrase and it helped but I know it’s easier said than done. He’s so so cute by the way!
Thank you so much for your comment Jackie. This is so helpful and reassuring!
Having a group of friends with babies around the same age was clutch for me. It’s life-giving just to hear “me too!” in response to your challenges and wins. See if you can find a mommy & me class or an infant massage class. It’ll be a great way to bond with baby and meet other moms at the same stage.
For baby wearing, I found a soft structured carrier easiest and quickest to work with when my daughter was an infant. I got a Lillebaby complete because you can use it from 7 pounds without an insert but find it rather bulky now. A Tula free to grow may be a better fit, especially since you’re on the smaller side. Try to find a baby wearing group in your area. I found mine on Facebook and they have meet ups where you can try a bunch of different carriers and get help with them so you can find one that’s just right for you and your baby.
Thanks for the suggestion Monica. I have a group text with some girls who were all due within 2-3 months of each other so we’ll have to transition to in-person meetings soon.
Thank you for your feedback on babywearing and I did join a local group on Facebook!
The lonliness is real! Especially when you are used to being out all of the time and working or being with a lot of people. You can only talk to the baby so much or putter around the house in between being on the couch! I have to say that at 6 months a lot changed for me. Library store time, mommy and me yoga, and mommy and me swim all started. I felt like me again having things to get to at a certain time and people to see. I ended up meeting my now best friends and our kids are all the same ages.
I never got into wraps but loved my ergo!! It was a lifesaver on fussy days or during “the witching hour”
Thank you so much for sharing about your experience and the 6 month change. I have the Ergo and will look forward to using it when he’s a little bigger!
The c section pain definitely changes as you heal. I’m 10 weeks out now and still feel it – especially now that I’m packing to move.
The best thing for me was getting out of the house – literally. I went to my parents for a week and my sisters for a week. It was overwhelming packing and I almost didn’t go because I didn’t want to pack. But it was the best. They kept me busy and were SO helpful.
There’s a babywearing in Charlotte facebook page and they have a lending library you can check out different carriers to test them. I have a k’tan I like and an ergo I’m getting used to now that he’s bigger.
The loneliness is hard. That’s why going seat was so great. It’s hard when it’s a long night and then a long lonely day stretches out in front of you. Have people come stay with you or go to them. It’s so helpful.
Thank you for sharing about the pain changing. That is helpful.
I just can’t wait to get out of the house and go to Florida. I think it will be the best change of scenery for us.
I just joined the babywearing group on Facebook for Charlotte. I have the k’tan and the ergo. I just don’t think I’m operating my K’tan correctly!!!
I loved reading your birth story. It sounds very similar to my first. I wanted everything as natural as possible, had a doula, etc. I was induced due to lack of growth on the baby’s part, labored for about 12 hours without any interventions and then had the doc call for an emergency c-section when I was actively pushing. Turns out the little one’s cord was only 5 inches long and that’s why her heart rate kept dropping every time I pushed. You are a strong mama!
C-Section pain got better around the 4 week mark for me and I felt “normal-ish” at 6 weeks. I still had numbness and tingling at the incision site at the 6 month mark. My second was a scheduled c-section (by choice) and recovery was SO much easier – guess they were able to be gentle and kind when they weren’t in a rush the second time around? ?
I totally felt the same way in terms of feeling cooped up while on maternity leave. I tried to have a destination every day. It could be something small, like going to the coffee shop or park, or something bigger like the zoo or to visit grandparents. Trying to create some structure to our otherwise unstructured days really helped.
You will have such a great time visiting the family with Finn!
WOW Audrey! The thing about the cord is crazy and I’m so glad that they were able to help you and get baby here safely. Thank you for sharing about your c-section. I’m hoping to start experiencing some relief here around the 4 week mark. I’ve heard that second c-sections are usually easier on mom, for whatever reason!
Re: feeling lonely. My daughter was born in January 2014. The first year of her life was the hardest of mine. A) I live in Canada, so winter is freezing cold, b) it ended up being the year my husband worked over 400 hours of overtime. I can barely think about that year without getting emotional. I felt lonely all.the.time. My only “advice” is to break the day into chunks. At 8 am, it’s really hard to think about the next 12 hours without feeling overwhelmed with the day ahead. Focus on the morning, afternoon, evening, or even just the next couple of hours. It really is true when people say “the days are long but the years are short”. Some days (still) feel never ending, and yet I now have a 4.5 year old and can barely believe it.
When you’re feeling lonely day after day, know that you aren’t actually alone. And when you’re in a hard phase and struggling, remember “this too shall pass”.
Hugs mama,
Jennie
P.S. your son is freaking adorable.
Oh wow Jennie. What a tough first year you did have. That sounds like a lot. I appreciate the advice to break the day into chunks and it makes a lot of sense to me that things seem much more manageable that way. I know this will all go so fast and that I’ll wish I had a rewind button soon. <3
Those first 3 months are brutal. So much block and tackling. And everybody is tired. It gets so, so much better. Our kids are 1 and 3.5 and it’s a blast (still exhausting though). I found having a schedule and having 1-3 people you can really talk to in a similar stage of baby stuff to be helpful. Lindsey had c sections. It took her about 4-6 weeks to get back to normal, and it was still sensitive for many weeks after that. Like an idiot, I thought c sections were not that big of a deal. I was wrong. Second time was much easier. I never got any of the holders/wraps to work, oh well, but I held them and walked our street ever night. Peaceful. Oh, and I got very good at asking my in laws and parents for help – it’s much easier with more helpful hands around the house and it’s just more fun.
Ted – thank you so much for the comment! That’s great to hear that Lindsey felt better in 4-6 weeks and haha that you didn’t know the extent of the recovery! So sweet that you walked the babies at night. I’m sure that was a special time for y’all! And I HEAR YOU on asking for help. My mom is coming back to stay for a while and then I’m going to visit my fam in florida to soak up all the help I can get!
Will you continue with intuitive eating once you are ready to start working on adding muscle back/running again? Do you think your workouts will be similar to what you did before you got pregnant?
I had my daughter (c-section) in September 2013 and I remember it took so long to feel normal. Like until 2014! I think I was depleted from a long labor before my cesarean and then the surgery itself was a big deal. I’m a very fit person but found I just didn’t have the stamina. It was a slow newborn season, but I found once I felt good again I was all in: more energy, stamina, and desire! Have you read The First 40 Days? You might like it 🙂
Oh wow, thank you so much for sharing this. It makes me feel so much better to hear that not everyone snaps back from this. I have that book and have started it! It’s great. (Although a bit idealistic at times!)
Definitely join a new mama’s group. Theyre everywhere and its even better if you can find one at a yoga studio 🙂 Check out Babywearing International. They have meetings and a lending library!
I just joined the Charlotte Babywearing group. Thanks! And I have a group text with some mamas who were all due within 2-3 months of each other. We’ll have to plan outings soon!
First of all he’s gorgeous!!! And well done on breastfeeding. You make it look so easy. At week 3 I was recovering from a strong panic attack and 3 days insomnia while my husband went to hospital with appendicitis. My little one started to show symptoms of reflux at that point plus colic. She used to kick me a lot so I’ve ended up with infection as one of the points managed to break lose and went back to painkillers and meds. I felt quite fit despite everything though. If anyone had taken a picture of me before she was 4m I would have looked like a walking zombie
Thank you. It’s certainly not easy but we are figuring it out. Oh my gosh, I can’t imagine having to deal with what you had going on at 3 weeks. That is so much. I’m glad you’re on the other side now. <3
Jen, I always feel for you (and all moms!) when you feel like you need to justify saying you wouldn’t change being a mom even though you’re feeling lonely. Even good change is hard. Expectations on feelings are upsetting because they’re completely unique to you — though many have walked the path to and through motherhood, all respond differently. That’s okay! You have lived and enjoyed a very busy life — and a lot of change has taken place. Your love of teaching, movement, and activity is resting now while your relationship with Finn and motherhood is active. You will find your groove! Keep setting up outings and appointments — this has helped a very close friend of mine who reminds me very much of you. Hugs to you.
This comment was just beautiful. Thank you so much.
I had a c-section with my daughter (2.5y) and hen a vbac with my son (6m)…..and I felt much better with the c-section (my bladder shut down after my vbac and I had a catheter for just over 2 weeks so that had something to do with it) but what you are feeling is normal! I had to keep reminding myself it’s major surgery! If someone had their stomach surgery with a deep incision for any other reason…you would think weeks of recovery is normal. I feel like because we are on the move these days and it’s baby that we should be able to bounce right back. Also I want to encourage you that your emotions are just want 99.9% of us feel. One helpful advice someone told me is that with each phase of life changes, it’s good to allow yourself of grieve a little. I always wanted babies and an great family (like I have) but also to allow myself to miss the old self…Like when we could just get out of the house and go out to dinner anytime we wanted to lol. You are doing great and look amazing!
Thank you so much for these words Emily! And yes, I think it’s valid that even if you very much wanted it, it’s still a huge lifestyle adjustment to make!!!
I like the baby k’tan carrier. I use that almost daily with my infant. It’s easy and small enough to throw in a diaper bag, and cozy! When the baby gets bigger the Ergo is the way to go. Other carrier made my back sore once the baby is heavier.
I’d also recommend mommy + baby classes for you once Finn is about 3-4 months. There are many in my area and you sing songs and do little exercises with your baby (like move their legs and arms, put them on your shins while on your back, etc). I made some wonderful lasting relationships in those classes with other new moms and babies. My 3 year old’s “best friends” are from baby class friends we made when she was 6 months old. We still see those friends weekly. The classes are mostly for mom social time and wonderful. Look up baby dance or music classes!
Also, I didn’t do Peps, but I regret that. Friends of mine made lifelong friendships through Peps. It’s another nice way to get you out of the house once a week with people in the same stage of life as you. Nobody judges when you show up looking exhausted or have spit up in your hair. ?
Enjoy this time it goes fast!
Thank you! I have the baby k’tan but I feel like maybe the one I have is too small. I feel like I’m suffocating him when he’s in it! I also have the Ergo so I’ll use that when he gets bigger. Thank you for the recommendation for the classes. I’ll look into that for sure!
I’m not sure what Peps is but off to google it now!
For me, getting out of the house early in the day before the heat hit for a walk and a good dose of vitamin D made a huge difference. Starting to establish some rhythms to my week also helped – new mom’s group on Tuesday, coffee with a friend and her baby every Friday, etc. Going to a friend’s or my mom’s house in the afternoons and just doing what I would be doing at home (nursing, letting nap…) helped me feel less isolated. I think the first weeks are so hard because you remember your old normal so clearly and haven’t come up with what the new normal is! You’re doing such a great job and things will get easier and naturally fall into place more!
Going from not-being-a-parent to parent is such a huge transition. I second getting out early & establishing a routine. I’m a working mom, and didn’t think I’d realyl need to do that while on maternity leave, but I was so glad that I did. Having a scheduled time that I was determined to be out of the house every day (mine was 11 a.m.) was huge for me, no matter what I did–lunch with a friend (who wouldn’t mind if I cancelled last minute), grocery shopping, or just taking a walk around the mall–anything. I had a Solly wrap that I used until about 3 months, then switched to an Ergo. Loved both. And one of the most helpful pieces of advice I heard in the early days was the ‘rule of 2’s’–after 2 days, things get a little easier. Even better at 2 weeks, even better at 2 months, and my body really started to feel totally ‘normal’ at the 2 year mark. You’ll get there, mama!
Jan – thanks for this comment. I love your goal of being out of the house by 11 a.m. I have the Ergo but I’m struggling with the wrap I have right now while he’s little. I think it might be a little too small.
This rule of twos is great and I’ve never heard it so THANK YOU for sharing it!
I love the idea of a rhythm to the week. Such a great way to put it. Thanks for that suggestion.
I never found my niche in the mommy groups, but it’s possible I didn’t give it enough effort. For me, and my sister, visits from and to family was our savior. We all live spread out around the country and the change of scenery was key. Also, I did a lot of traveling with my first and in my experience, airline travel with a young baby was easiest. They are so portable at that age and if you are nursing you don’t need to bring any additional food! Have a wonderful trip to Florida, sounds like a great time!
This is great to hear about traveling. I absolutely can’t wait for a change of scenery and luckily our doctor is totally on board with the travel!
To get out of the house, I had a weekly mom/baby lactation group at our midwifery center that I tried to make. Also, meeting a friend for coffee, walking around target or the grocery store, etc. Around 12-16 weeks, we started taking our little guy to the library’s baby story time.
We have a solly baby wrap and they have great tutorials on their website and Instagram. I’m guessing all of the wraps and carrier brands do. And the ergo 360, I think I mostly used the instruction manual and suggestions of folks from the local Facebook babywearing group. Good luck!!
Thank you so much for the recommendations! I am going to order the Solly wrap. I also have the Ergo! I’ll look for local babywearing groups!
I loved the Solly wrap with my first, hoping for the same with my second. We have an Ergo from the first time around but I think we waited too long to try it (I bet he was almost a year) and he hated it, so I want to try that earlier this time around. I’ve seen good things about the Boppy carrier too for when they have head control. For loneliness, taking mine to a music class (Music Together, see if they have them around you) when he was tiny was so clutch. When they’re that little it’s mostly just to socialize with other moms and I met two friends that I’m still close with three years later at a music class!
I have an ergo so I’ll make a note to try it earlier since you made that comment. I’ve heard great things about the solly wrap so I’m going to order one. Thank you for the music class recommendation. That’s a great suggestion!
My biggest piece of advice is find other moms to hang out with. For us, it was joining FIT4MOM. They offer fitness classes where you can bring your baby. It’s a franchise so there are locations all over the US. I found it so nice to hang out with other moms who all understood what you were going through. Our classes are all at parks so the babies can hang out and eat after class while the moms talked and the toddlers can play on the playground. It’s how we’ve met most of our mom friends. I can’t recommend finding a way to connect with other moms.
Thank you so much for this. I’ll look into these classes!
Like so many of the others who have commented, I think a new moms group is the best thing you could do. I joined one and thirty eight years later I still have lunch with one of the gals on our birthdays. It saved me from going crazy in the first year and was also helpful bouncing problems off to people who had the same things going on. I know Peanut Butter Fingers was in a mom’s group! Ask her!!
Thank you! I actually have an awesome group of girls that I have a group text with. We’re all due within 2-3 months of each other. I guess we need to start actually getting together and seeing each other now that the babes are starting to arrive!
The best advice I was given was … HALT. Never let yourself get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. (When I was lonely, I would turn the music up loud and dance!) No one tells you how hard the first 6 weeks are. You are doing an amazing job!!
This is AMAZING! Thank you!
Hi Jen!
You’re recovering from major abdominal surgery – it takes a while, and if you overdo things it will let you know the next day(s)!
I found I started to feel somewhat better at 2 weeks, but still very weak and with NO stamina. Six weeks and I was a little more approaching “normal” functional. Not so worried about sneezing! And then at around 6 months something happens again and I realised I was starting to feel much stronger.
After my second surgery (the first time I had NO idea, the second time I was much better prepared mentally) I started seeing a physiotherapist at 4 weeks. I tried running at 12 weeks but just didn’t feel like my core was “secure” yet, (and, if I overdid things, my body still really let me know). after 6 months, with gradually building back strength with Pilates, I was really ready.
I had a whole lot of other stuff going on through that 6mo period that added a lot of stress, so I think emotionally and physically I needed that time.
Having said that, physically it was also a “new normal” – never quite the same as before.
Go gently with yourself- your body has been through a lot!
Hey Kelly – this all makes so much sense. I was just joking with Tanner last night that at the 6 week mark I feel like I’ll finally be ready for some PT…forget working out!!! Ha!
I appreciate the reminder to stay gentle with myself. <3
I’ve had 2 c sections and my boys are 3.5 years apart. I never realized that the area where the incision was was going to continue to have some numbness there even years later. Definitely try to find a mom’s group! It’s helped me make great friends that are like family now. You’ll feel more like yourself everyday but it took me a good 6-8 months with both boys to feel like myself again. Between hormones and broken up sleep it’s tough. Hang in there! It’ll get better.
I have heard about the numbness after c-section from some of my past training clients and yoga students. I’m going to try scar massage and hope that helps! Thank you for the encouragement. xx
I had an emergent c section with my second and I was shocked at how much pain I was in. You have to remember that every muscle in your abdomen was cut through and you don’t realize how much you use your abdominal muscles for everything even just driving a car. I remember a couple weeks in I was feeling really good and vacuumed. I was in so much pain the following day. Just take it very easy and eventually it will be so much better.
(yes on the vacuuming! I found that and sweeping would really knock me around – asymmetric twisting and pulling with non-existent core muscles. Great jobs to give to other people who offer to help!)
Also in regards to sometimes the day ahead seeming so long and hard the thing that worked best for me was breaking the day down into the 3-4 increments between feedings. It helped me to not get as overwhelmed. Breast feeding is so hard but eventually it will just be and easy every day thing if you just put the work in to get there I promise
Hey Melissa – yes, it is important to remember how major of a surgery a c-section is and to have grace with yourself. The pain has been really surprising to me, especially as someone who’s not accustomed to being in pain! And thank you for the recommendation to break the day into increments rather than look at it as a big overwhelming picture.
Oh man. Life with your first newborn is SO HARD and SO AWFUL overall! I was expecting this fairy tale and felt completely blindsided. You are doing so great. I am here to tell you that no matter the challenges you face–small or gigantic–there is a HUGE light at the end of this often ugly newborn tunnel. Hang in there–soon you will be sleeping, smiling, and feeling back to normal. xoxo
It’s SO interesting to me how everyone has such different views of the different stages with babies and kids! I think some people love the newborn stage while others really struggle. I am somewhere in between I think! 🙂
Join a mom’s group!! Its truly been a lifesaver for me! There are so many women going through the exact same things as you and it’s wonderful to have a strong support system. 🙂 Mine gets together every Thursday and all the babies are within 2 months of each other. Lots of first time moms too!
I have a group of girls that I have a group text with who are all due within 2-3 months of each other. We need to start planning some in-person meet ups soon! I know they’ll end up being such a great resource of support to have.
Yes, my incision site was sore and sensitive for a good eight weeks or so for both of my c-sections. I wore a belly band to protect the incision (BraceAbility makes one for c-section recovery – sold on Amazon) and it helped a lot.
This is reassuring to hear, thank you so much.
Hey Jen! I’m glad Finn is going to meet his great granny Ree 🙂 it really does help to get out of the house. Honestly with the newborn you just need clothes, diapers, wipes in the diaper bag at all times so you can go! Just go for a drive to a new park an hour away and take him for a walk then find a nice lake or river to sit down near for a few hours and decompress! Fresh air is a game changer. The day after I had Charlotte we got 36” of snow in VA….her being my 2nd I felt great and really didn’t want to be stuck in the house. The SECOND the snow plow cleared our street I was ready to go! I think we just went to Kohl’s or the mall…I think Chick fil a too! Lol it was sooo nice to get out and see people…even if it’s people you don’t know, strangers are naturally drawn to newborns and will come up and talk to you, just talk back 🙂
Also, just throwing this out there but the Pitotti/Moore/Callahan/Whittaker group will be at Ocean Isle from July 7-14, I know we would all love to see you and meet Finn, and I know you have friends close by too. So just keep that in mind and let us know if you need a getaway!!
Hey Emily! So great to hear from you. I appreciate the suggestions and you are so right about people being drawn to the babies!
I will definitely put those dates in my calendar and hope to drive over to say hello!!!
You are doing great Jen! I think being a little stir crazy is normal. I experienced it too especially after going from super busy to sitting and nursing what feels like all the time haha! Not sure if you journal but it helped me especially with my first one. I would journal and include letters to him about my experience as a new Mom. I love the moby wrap. I have used it for all 3.
Yes! Lots of sitting with breastfeeding…it’s crazy! I love the idea of journaling. That is a great suggestion. And I LOVE the idea of writing letters to the baby. That is the sweetest.
I know when I started to have c-section pain that I was pushing myself too much. Even walking to far would push me over the edge. As someone who is active, it was SO HARD to slow down. I got so bored and lonely too. I love being active and having to stop or slow down was a huge mental moment for me. I found myself diving into books or tabloids (don’t judge!), anything to keep my mind occupied. I also ventured out to Target way too much but it was so nice to be out with other humans.
Mom groups are nice if you find your tribe.
Get that girdle thing back out! I wore mine for weeks. I acknowledge that it was a crutch in week 6 and finally started to cut back on wearing it. It just felt so good though!
I’m so happy breastfeeding is working out. That was so hard for me! I asked nurses and lactation coaches for help multiple times. I would put a pillow under my breast friend pillow to plop up Olive high enough so I wouldn’t have to lean over. I also bought lanolin lotion and just caked it on my breasts. Oh and this is weird but worked for me, frozen cabbage leaves. OH MY WORD. Life savers. Try it. 🙂
You got this!!!!!
Yes to slowing down being a huge mental challenge. I definitely don’t feel any urge to workout or anything but then I realize that I might even be “overdoing it” with things around the house and walking…which is hard to wrap my head around. No judgement on anything that keeps your mind occupied and you just reminded me that I should get back to working crosswords!!!!
I’m lucky to have a group of local girls who are all expecting around the same time. We have a group text going and hopefully can do some in-person meetups in the coming months.
You are doing an amazing job and I love the “4th trimester” segment you’re writing about. 100% true and relate-able and NORMAL, a lot of things no one talks much about it. Becoming a new mother is the greatest paradox I’ve ever experienced. Some of the best advice I received was to start making routines, not schedules, routines are flexible, schedules are rigid. My son and I still do, for the most part, an “eat, play, sleep” routine over and over until bedtime.. personally, I’m a creature of habit and I feel a lot of comfort from this. Take care!
Thank you so much Jessica. I think it’s important to continue to capture what it’s like after baby and I hope that my posts bring some realness into the transition that women go through. Of course, everyone’s experience is different but I think being open and honest is the best way to serve others. I love your note about routines versus schedules. That is a great way to look at it!
I thought I was the only one who found being a new mum lonely! So much time sitting to feed when you’re used to being active, while grappling to be grateful at the same time is really hard. I’m full of admiration that you got to Lululemon – because it is no easy feat to get out of the house with a newborn looking somewhat presentable yourself! What really helped me was making an agreement with myself to get out of the house where there would be other people every day. Just once and just to pick up a few groceries/meet a friend/sit in a cafe with a coffee….just OUT of the house. It really lifted my spirits. Don’t try to squeeze in ‘one more thing’ or be out for too long. Quit while you’re ahead and get back home in time for the next feed. Baby steps. You’re doing a fabulous job Mama. Kisses xx
Not at all Vicki! It seems we are in good company…just maybe not something that people are open about! I can’t agree more on the not squeezing in one more thing. I feel like I have a ticking time bomb on my hands and like to get back in time for the next scheduled feeding!!! Thank you for the encouragement. I miss yall!
I also felt very lonely, but each day I was forcing myself to not only walk with baby, but to go to the grocery store, sometimes just for one thing, or the pharmacy. And each morning, I was out for a coffee at my favorite place, he was in the Tula taking a nap, and I was reading a book, for 1 hour. Not bad. But yes, the days all looked the same, and I regret not adding more variety in our life for the first months 😉
I can’t tell you how much I can relate to trying to think of errands to run…even if it’s just one thing! I love your idea about going out to a coffee shop and reading. Maybe I’ll try that soon!
Yes on loneliness! This is our third baby and even though I’m out and about with my other 2 kiddos activities it’s still very isolating. I was always intimidated by seeking out a moms group. People always recommended it but I wasn’t quite sure how to do that.
I recommend joining a baby boot camp or stroller strides. You will def be advanced fitness-wise but I loved meeting other mommas with littles and the social interaction was amazing and much needed.
I am in awe of those of you who do this with other small children. You are amazing!!! I will totally look into the stroller/mama workouts! Thanks for that suggestion. 🙂
Sometimes I still get a zing of pain in my C-section scar that nearly knocks me over, and it has been 14 years!
As for the loneliness- it gets better as life gets busier, but it never goes away either. There were some times when I didn’t talk to anyone other than my dog or my baby all day long. You start talking to yourself- watch out!
I gotta tell you- you look great! Some mamas have this uncanny ability to get their body back so quickly and you are obviously one of them! My own mom was in a wedding two weeks after my sister was born and didn’t even have to change her dress size—Amazing!! Must say I am very jealous of this super power.
I started meeting up with a group of runners at Run For Your Life running store when Grace was about 6 months old. We ran with our babies on a four-mile loop around Dilworth twice a week. That’s how I bonded with one of my besties, Rebecca, who is the only person who can make me practice on the front row at Y2. 16 years and five kiddos later, we are still BFFs.
One last thing- we miss you!! Can’t wait to see you leading class again soon.
Hey Jill – that is crazy about your c-section!
I know that this is such a short season and will be over before I know it…and I’ll probably miss it! 🙂
I appreciate the kind words on recovery. I know it’s different for every woman. I am just letting my body do its thing.
What a great story about meeting Rebecca. LOVE IT! 🙂
Flying with a newborn is so easy! We flew from Florida to Alaska at six weeks and I just kept him on my boob most the time. The first few months are very isolating. Even if you do get out you have to nurse constantly and I wasn’t comfortable enough to nurse in public the first time. We started a baby gym class at six months and that was a lot of fun for both of us. Library story time is great too once they can sit up a little. We use the ergo360 and love it.
Jen,
I know this is an old post but I just had my first baby and am three weeks postpartum. I too wanted an all natural birth and felt like I had done all the things right. When my water broke and I went to the hospital they told me my baby was breeched and we’d have to do a c section right away. I was devastated but knew I had to do what was best for the baby and obviously there wasn’t much choice in the matter. This was my first type-A mom lesson that I am not in control and I will have to learn to roll with the punches! All that to say, I remember that you had a c section too and sought out your blog to see if you wrote about your experience. I am so grateful you did! I can’t tell you how comforting it is to know you’re not alone in these feelings as we embark on such a life changing journey. Thank you for putting yourself out there in this way. This has been a huge pick me up for me today. I hope you are doing well!!