One of the exercises that we do in our 200-hour teacher training program is called “The Lie I Give Up.” I think it’s safe to say that most of us walk around with lies that are just waiting to pop up anytime we are triggered or put in a vulnerable or difficult situation.
Most of the time they sound like…
“There’s something wrong with me.”
“I’m not good enough.”
“I don’t deserve ____.”
“I’m a bad mom/sister/friend/partner/etc.”
“No one sees me/knows me/understands me.”
“I’m such a ____.”
How do these lies come to live in our heads? Welcome to life. We are born perfect, we get wounded and then we carry these wounds around and create lies from them.
I have been sharing this reading with my classes for the last few days and talking about the idea of just being enough. The fact is that we are all human. We all go through hard stuff, make mistakes and take wrong turns. The key is doing all of this but learning from it instead of retreating further into lies, ego and darkness.
Bring light, kindness and love to the world. Your playing small just brings more smallness and more darkness to the world. Your standing in your power and bringing your light into the world (regardless of how you’ve fallen or erred) will give others the strength to do this same. You cannot let your lies take away your ability to do this.
Tonight I read this J. Raymond piece to my class while still talking about the lies we carry. What resonates the most for me with this piece is that “you are not alone.” Our lies alienate us and make us feel like we’re the only one on the planet that has this problem. It’s simply not true. No one is perfect, no one has it all figured out and we’re all living and learning.
I want to share an extremely powerful example of a lie in action and how to take its power away. I am mentoring a young woman who graduated from our teacher training program in 2015. She has been teaching outside the studio for a year but is now stepping into teaching at Y2 Yoga. She has worked our front desk for a long time and feels comfortable (and safe) in that role.
On Monday she co-taught a class with me. She absolutely rocked the portion of class that she taught with me but after class she burst into tears. I asked her what was coming up for her and she said, “It was your message. My lie was right with me and I almost bailed on class today. My lie is that ‘I don’t deserve to be heard.'”
I encouraged her to journal about the experience, what came up and how she was feeling and she shared it publicly, and gave me permission to do the same.
“All of a sudden it felt real. Like #reallyreal. I wanted to leave. To walk out of the room and tell @jdecurtins, ‘maybe next week.’ I have been teaching for almost a year, currently 11 or more classes per week. But these people have seen me behind a desk and/or scrubbing the locker rooms for the past year and a half. ‘They don’t care what I have to say; they’re here to take Jen’s double shot, not my shitastic, newbie warm up,’ I tell myself.
We all have lies that we tell ourselves; they creep in when we’re feeling vulnerable. Like weeds, they find and expand the cracks in our foundation, taking root in the terra firma of our soul (yes, our collective soul). My lie is that I’m not worthy of being heard.
Thank Shiva for the people who remind us to rip those bitches out and throw them in the compost.
You are enough.
You are worthy of being heard.
You already make a difference.”
Freaking amazingly beautiful, right?
Learning “lie management” is one of the most important things that we must do. The lies are likely not going to disappear completely but you can find ways to take away their power.
Gosh, I just have so much on my mind and in my heart right now so expect some more regular detours food and fitness. I have always sprinkled these types of posts in here and there but I guess the combination of teacher training and life are bringing more out. I always message in my yoga classes but shy away from it in this space. It feels vulnerable and kind of scary. I guess I need to give up the lie that you don’t want to read what I have to share. <3
Love. Thank you for being a light and inspiration. Looking forward to more of these.
Thanks so much Lyndsay. Love you! <3
This touched my heart so deeply tonight. It touched the lie that I tell myself too – I can completely relate to the co-teacher of your class tonight “they don’t want to hear me”. It’s time to shatter the lies we mistakenly believe. Thank you for this – I don’t believe it could have come at a better time. I love reading what you have to share – thank you so much for being vulnerable enough to trust us. xxoo
Thanks so much for the kind and encouraging words Nadine.
Love. This part especially resonated with me: “How do these lies come to live in our heads? Welcome to life. We are born perfect, we get wounded and then we carry these wounds around and create lies from them.”
I am a teacher and this made me think of a quote I try to remember when I talk to young students everyday:
The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.
-Peggy O’Mara
Mary – I love that quote and it’s absolutely true. How lucky your students are to have a teacher as aware and caring as you.
Beautiful! I wish we didn’t all have this inner-dialogue :-/ You are absolutely right that no one is alone in feeling this way!
This is one of my goals for this season, I’ve never been a “sharer,” but I recently decided to start and it hasn’t been easy. I ruminate over and over again about the things that I say or post, because I worry about criticism. I’m definitely not over it, probably never will be, but I do have one tip – find someone who is always on your side. My husband always encourages me to be myself, he always makes me feel like I’m enough or MORE than enough, and to share that “true self” with the world.
Hey Ashley, I hear you LOUD and CLEAR on how difficult it can be to be vulnerable and to decide what and how much to share. It’s one of the things that I struggle the most with as a blogger but I’ve learned over time that you can never be true to yourself or even find your authentic self when you’re living to please. It’s also just impossible to ever please everyone.
I so love what your husband tells you. How lucky you are for that support!
Jen,
Long-time reader, but first-time commenter. Thank you for sharing such a moving post. I’ve really enjoyed watching your blog evolve over the past 2 or so years, and appreciate your increasing willingness to share your great wisdom and intelligence (not synonyms, necessarily!) with us. As Nadine says above, thank you so much for being vulnerable enough to trust us.
Hi Annie – thank you so much for reading and for taking the time to comment. It means a lot. A big lesson that I’ve learned is that it’s okay to mess up and to struggle and that I’m definitely not alone in it. When we talk about it we don’t feel so alone in it. I do feel more comfortable sharing my ups and downs in this space these days.
I definitely want to read what you have to share : )
Thanks friend! 🙂
Thanks for sharing. I have def heard the voice saying things that just aren’t true about who I am. I believe that it is actually the enemy speaking unGodly beliefs so that we might not walk in the fullness of God. I am thankul for your heart of sharing and love for your clients, readers, etc.
Thanks you so much for the heartfelt words Rayne. <3
Absolutely beautiful! Thank you! Exactly what I needed! I LOVE this message! I would love to read more of these types of posts. I think they are very much needed. Even as an “older” reader, I still sometimes get entangled in the lies that keep me small. Being reminded to stand, speak and shine help bring me into fullness. I am thankful young ones like you have the courage to be open. Thank you. Sending you universal love, power and strength. Namaste
Thanks so much Pam! I think that the temptation to play small is something that we fight a lifelong battle against. This is why it’s so useful to have tools like “the lie I give up” in your toolbox so that you can identify when you’re going down that road and not let it completely derail you.
I have really, really enjoyed connecting with you via my blog over the last couple of years and your journey has been an inspiration to me as well.
All my love,
Jen
Thank you so much for this post! Perfect timing…I’m going into my 7th YTT weekend and I’m completely terrified to actually teach or even practice teaching. All the lies! I keep putting it off and not doing it even though I know in my heart it’s what I want to be doing. The lies play out in every area of life…I don’t deserve to be treated better…I’m not enough…I don’t deserve to be heard. Thanks for putting words on these feelings for me and so many others.
You’re so welcome Lauren. One of the most beautiful things about teacher training is that it teaches you to stand in your power. You deserve to stand in that room and say those words and to lead students through practice. And remember, when you practice teach you’re surrounded by other trainees who are going through the same thing. You all hold each other up in support. It’s a very safe place to practice.
Jen, thank you for this beautiful post. Since I started following your blog about seven years ago, I have continued to be inspired by you. You remain a favorite blogger of mine for how real you keep it, all the time. I’m currently in grad school for social work and work at a school for adolescents with trauma history/significant emotional issues; one of the signs I’ve put up in my office is from one of my favorite blog posts of yours where you mentioned the quote: “Worthy now. Not if. Not when. We are worthy of love and belonging. Right here. Right now. In this moment.” I keep this sign up both for my students to read, but also for myself as a reminder for when I’m letting my own lies take the wheel. Please know that although your lie may be that no one wants to read this post/similar posts, I guarantee I’m not the only one who is continually reminded of, and inspired by, your grace and humility in this space. Please keep doing what you’re doing.
Audrey – wow, thanks for being such a long-time reader. I feel so grateful. I am excited to hear about your path into social work and specifically helping adolescents. What important work. I love that Brene Brown quote and it’s so true. There is an epidemic of feeling unworthy of good and light and love.
I appreciate the encouragement around vulnerability. It’s been quite a learning experience to share my life in a public space but I have definitely learned that the more real I get, the more connection it creates. We are all living imperfect lives the best we can.
xxoo
Jen, thank you for this beautiful post. Since I first started reading your blog about seven years ago, I have continued to be inspired by you. I’m currently in grad school for social work and work at a school for adolescents with a trauma history and have significant emotional challenges. In my office at the school I have put up a handwritten sign with a quote from one of my favorite posts by you on this blog. The quote is: “Worthy now. Not if. Not when. We are worthy of love and belonging. Right here. Right now. As is.” That quote has always stuck with me since and I keep it up in my office as a reminder both for my students, but also for myself, when I find my own lies taking the wheel. Please know that while your lie may be that no one will want to read this post/similar posts, I guarantee I’m not the only one who is continuously inspired by your grace and humility in this space. Please keep doing what you’re doing.
Thank you for this heartfelt post. No matter how much I think I’ve got my lies under control, I still walk away disappointed with myself each time I teach. Do you ever feel this way, and how do you personally handle it?
I don’t know how I stumbled upon your blog 5 years ago but I’m glad I did because this is my favourite blog. Thank you for being you.
Hi Sarah – I appreciate your comment but it pulled at my heart.
I definitely have good and bad classes. Sometimes teaching feels like the easiest thing in the world and sometimes I trip over my words, forget my sequence and feel disconnected from the class. But just know that you are SO MUCH HARDER on yourself than anyone else. Most of the time when I feel like I’ve totally botched class I have multiple people tell me after, “Great Class!” while I’m over thinking, “seriously? That was a train wreck!”
We are so much harder on ourselves than we are anyone else. You are so brave to stand in front of those students and teach and you’re doing them a huge service. Stand in your power. You deserve to be there!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your words of encouragement!
This is why I love your blog. I love what you have to share, whether it’s on the light side with food pictures or the deeper side with heartfelt messages. Such a great message!
Thank you Emily. Your words mean the world to me! <3
Three words: So. Freaking. Awesome!
Keep it up Jen, I so love your blog. I also read spirit junkie because of you, and that post about your current fiance and that time in your life is one of the best and most honest things I’ve read online in years. You truly have a gift (beyond making really cool looking salad bowls and fun HIIT workouts)! <3
Thanks so much Laura. I’m really excited to hear that you enjoyed Spirit Junkie. That book was a game changer for me when I was going through a tough time. And haha about the workouts and salads! 🙂
wonderful post. sort of like…we all carry this lie that people only want us for what they know us for and thats not always true at all ! people who genuinely care want us for who we are now and who we will be in the future. be real. whatever that is for you. bravo to you and your mentee.
yes, that’s exactly it tara! people who truly love you, love you as is. not some ideal version of you that doesn’t exist.
I have tears in my eyes, Jen! Thanks for posting this. So beautiful and so true.
you’re so welcome joy. i’m really happy to hear that it resonated with you. <3
Yes, yes, yes! Those lies are be so loud and sometimes they overcome us, but that’s it, they are lies and we DO have the strength and overcome them!
So important to learn to find and trust that inner strength and wisdom.
Such a beautiful post Jen. I love your recipes, daily meals, and fitness posts but these are honestly what I most look forward to. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your heart with us!
thank you so much for your kind words cara. this comment made my heart so happy.
Oh my gosh this made me cry. We all have value and no one can take it away from us. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your heart!
You’re welcome and thank you so much for the comment.
Thank you for sharing this, I really needed to read this today. I think that is a lie I have as well. “I am not enough. I am not worth being heard.” Right now I am battle that lie and trying so hard to get it out of my head. Thank you.
You are so welcome and I’m grateful it brought you some comfort.
Great post! I definitely want to read what you have to share! I look forward to checking your blog each day for a new post. When I don’t see one I keep checking all day until I do. When there is something new I get excited and read whatever it is. I always take something away ?
Thanks Kara! I really, really appreciate you reading and I’m so glad that you find value in what I share.
This was beautiful. I relate on so many levels. I need to work on giving up some of the lies I tell myself, I enough!
Thank you Sarah. I think this is something that we all can stand to work on.
Another longtime reader, first time commenter. I would love more of this. 🙂 please do share. I am going through a HUGE life change right now. This stuff is constantly on my mind. I watched something last night that is still resonating with me: “we are all unique configurations of infinite possibilities”, I am tired of my negative self talk. I exist right now, and that is so unlikely. There will never be my unique combination of me again… I am not going to waste it. Its a miracle that any one of us is here. Its amazing.
Melanie – it means so much to me that you took the time to comment. I so appreciate you reading and now reading your words! I am sending you love and strength and you navigate your way through your change. I really love the quote that you shared. Thank you! It is a miracle that we are all here and life is too short to live it miserable.
such a BEAUTIFUL and well spoken post. dang perfectionism often gets in my way of thinking i’m never good enough too! i think most everyone struggles with this in their life at some point.
I just found your blog through the Fitnessista, and I love this post so much! Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable. I needed to read exactly this today.
Please please please always feel comfortable to share what’s on your heart here… the blog YOU created as your own outlet to an audience of unbiased strangers. it’s us, your beloved blog-reading followers, who resonate w the vulnerability, rawness, and overall realness of you…. someone who we all admire, look up to, and aspire to be,…. this is what keeps us wanting to read more and yearning for more of the real Jen. Your Sensitivity and compassion remind us that we as humans are allowed to feel different emotions and are entitled to ride those feelings out. You’ve created a “safe haven” of acceptance just by sharing your personal idea of “uncomfortableness”, You Remind us that life has good chapters and bad chapters, but it’s each turn of the page by The author him/herself that shapes the story . I’ve struggled w family issues, confidence issues, and overall depression, but your blog and your ability to identify w your readers has truly changed my perspective on life …i sincerely thank you for that. Thank you for reminding us that we are all human and are entitled to embrace whatever emotions we feel are appropriate to take on the unpredictable turns that this wild ride entails 😉
Hey Ashley – I just wanted to say thank you for your kind words and support. I want nothing more than to help other women feel comfortable in their own skin and on their own journeys so hearing you say that I can do that for you in any small way is incredibly meaningful to me. I think it’s so important to bring our darkness into the light to help others not feel so alone. <3 Sending you love and strength.