Last weekend I was so fortunate to have the opportunity to book a super last-minute flight to spend a few days with my family. I had only been back in Charlotte for just shy of two weeks but really needed the support of my family. I am grateful that American Airlines Super Saver mile redemption + Allegiant’s low fares make travel back and forth very accessible.
Finn and I flew out on Thursday morning. Thanks to the time change, we touched down in Florida at 9:30 a.m. and my mom was waiting for us at the airport. By midmorning I was on my grandmother’s balcony.
I did nothing from Thursday through Sunday except sit with my grandmother on her balcony and in her living room, write a little, take care of Finn, eat dinners with my parents and spend time on the beach. I never even left their condo development. It was perfect.
My sweet Finn is so relaxed when we are in Florida…which I fully attribute to his mama being more at ease. It’s crazy how much babies can feed off of your emotions.
One night he even gave me his very first seven-hour stretch of sleep. It was amazing!
I was able to get out to the beach for a couple of hours solo when Finn was napping. Side note: my grandmother loaned me an extra Kindle and I am a huge fan! As I’ve shared recently, I’ve always been kind of anti-Kindle but I’m loving how easy it is to handle when traveling, beaching and breastfeeding. What I’m not a fan of is the book The Last Anniversary by Liane Moriarty. It took me forever to get through it and I just didn’t enjoy the story or the characters.
That afternoon my mom and I brought Finn out on the beach and he hung out in the shade with us for a couple of hours. He’s going to be such a beach baby! 🙂
Finn and I usually take an evening stroll after dinner. If I walk on the beach I wear him in the Ergo and he loves it. I can’t recommend babywearing enough for the evening fussy hours.
We got to take in a lovely sunset on this walk. I felt better and more like myself on this walk than I had in many, many weeks.
The most precious part of my time in Florida is staying with my grandmother and getting to share some of these little baby days with her.
I sit on the balcony with her after my walks and we either sit in silence or chat. On this night there was a couple on the beach taking sunset wedding photos. It was hard for me not to feel a twinge of “wow, this is their wedding day” in contrast to my current reality…which feels far from a wedding day (to say the least).
We started talking about being able to hold happiness, joy and celebration for others when they are experiencing their best days during a time when you are having some of your worst.
It reminded me of this passage that I deeply love that expresses this thought so accurately. I’ve read this in my yoga classes a few times in the past (and I may have shared it on my blog previously but I can’t remember…and want to share it again!).
The crazy thing about where I am in this moment is that I’m simultaneously living the best and worst days of my life.
Finn is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Being his mom is the most rewarding and fulfilling job that I’ve ever had. It has put into perspective what is truly important and the love I feel for him gives a whole new meaning to unconditional, pure love.
I won’t lie when I say that I don’t understand what is happening right now and why it’s happening at this time but I do trust that I will learn a tremendous amount from it. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that one day my turn will come again.
beautiful quote and beautiful optimism! thinking of you and that cute baby!
Powerful quote, and so tough to think about sometimes. I’ve been dealing with something for a few years now, and on the worst days it can be hard to watch others seem move through life so effortlessly. But you’re right, we do get lucky in turn. Wishing you and your adorable son the best and hoping better days are on both of our horizons!
Jen, each week there’s at least one post, reflection, or sentence that you share that makes me think both that one, you must be a beautiful soul and 2, you’ve inspired me to be a better person. I’m sorry you’re going through this difficult time that has you experiencing some of your worst days. Though, I’m happy you’re also experiencing some of your best days at exactly the same time. The love you feel for your child is something that will never be matched. Being a mother in the most ideal of situations can be challenging. You & Finn will love, bond, grow, & flourish together. You may not realize it but your openness about what you’re feeling & how sincerely you share is helping others even if you’re not made aware of it.
I wish I knew what to say to help you. But please know that we as a family thought of and rejoiced for you and Finn while we gathered at Ocean Isle Beach this past week. Live the joy and feel the pain. It’s the only way to get through these times. Then when they come again, and they will, you’ll be stronger and know what they bring.
Yes! You were the topic of conversation at times at the family beach week and we have nothing but love and grace for you! I can personally relate to the struggles of relationships and trying to find joy in the beauty right in front of you. In the end, What’s meant to be will be…don’t get to wrapped up in what went wrong or what could have been, it’s toxic, and it only messes with your mind. Your child (or children in my case) need to know what unconditional love looks like and they may be better recipients of that if they have two parents that can love completely, even if that means they are not together. I’m so sorry you are going through this but just know, you are not alone and if you need to talk I’m a pretty open book! ?
Jen, I think the idea of simultaneously living the best and worst days of your life is an incredibly poetic way to describe how you’re feeling. I am so impressed and inspired by you. (I almost hesitate to write that, because I don’t want you to feel pressure to “act” a certain, “impressive” way on your blog, so please also know that I am simply here rooting for you. If your next blog post says, “Today I spent the entire day in my pajamas eating ice cream and watching sad movies and hanging out with my baby,” I’ll be inspired by that too. You are still getting up every day, and I can only imagine how hard that is.)
So true. I am also trying to figure out how to hold joy and grief at the same time, with a ten week old baby and losing my dad to cancer last month. I am so grateful my dad was able to meet my son. Sending you hope and love.
Thank you for this, Jen. I’ve really been struggling in most areas of my life and have been focusing on nothing but that. This post made me realize that I needed to come out of my sad world and try to see and celebrate all the good that’s going on for others. It’s so easy easy for me to shut down and withdraw.
Thank you for being so open. You have no idea how much you help others with your honest and heartfelt posts. You and your sweet boy are in this together and you bring each other love and happiness.
Wonderfully said Michelle!
Beautiful Post <3
I’m living through breast cancer right now, just had major surgery 3 weeks ago and chemo starts in about a month. Trying to not let it consume me. Your quote, wow. My day will come. Thanks for sharing.
Suzanne,
❤️❤️❤️❤️and an abundance of hugs.
Suzanne, I am also going through breast cancer. Lots and lots of love and light your way. Feel free to reach out if you want a supporting hand. <3
You’re amazing, Jen! You’ve helped me realize what’s most important and because of that I’ve made positive changes in my life. ?
Thank you for being so open. Good things are headed your way! I just feel it and that little boy just gets cuter and cuter!
some of the content in this post is some of your absolute best! you are really something special Jen <3 and lots of blessings to you and that perfect little man! things will certainly work themselves out. you deserve all the happiness 🙂
Really beautiful post and very inspiring quote- thanks so much for sharing:)
Your description of seeing the couple on the beach made me tear up; I imagine that seeing that would have been hard. While I’ve never been in your exact shoes, I think most people can relate to that heartbreaking feeling of not having things turn out the way they imagined or planned. You are not alone, and there are many sunny, happy days ahead of you.
I’m glad you were able to be with your family again. I spent one period of my like driving nearly 11 hours each way 3x/month because I needed to be with family.
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability. You will dance again!
I absolutely love that quote. Know that there are so many ladies rooting for you and praying that your days ahead are filled with more love than you will know what to do with.
And side note – I finished The Anniversary on Monday, and like you, I did not like it. Weird book.
I am still so very sorry for what you are going through but I do know that at some point, it will all make sense and you will be stronger person because of it. it sucks though! I remember when I was going through the worst parts of my divorce, reminding myself that I was still doing something that I loved which was raising my son and being there for him as a stay at home mom which is exactly what I wanted. i was class mom and at every preschool event and playdate and moment. when I look back, as much as I hated my divorce and what went on, I still remain so very grateful to have had that time home with him. so even through the worst, I am able to find the best. one day you will too although I see you already can tell that Finn is it. xoxox
Such an inspiring post ❤️ on SO many levels!
Beautiful and incredibly thought provoking words Jen. I always look forward to your posts, more than other other blog, because of your authenticity. I’m sorry you are going through a difficult time; you are so blessed to have a supportive family. I was brought to tears reading about the time you spent with your grandmother; I lost my grandfather in January and miss him so much. You are such a strong woman and Finn is lucky you are his momma!
This is such a emotion and thought provoking post; my heart goes out to you. I’m a mama of adult children and empathize with your parents and grandmother as they watch you move through this season. Its hard and we want to fix things for our children, but know the truth is, we cannot. Time is the best gift we can give to you, time to listen, to sit, to nourish, and to love. Families look all different today; give yourself and break that yours doesn’t look like you thought it would; this isn’t the end of your story. Your time is coming; hold fast to that on the hardest days. You are blessed by a beautiful baby, and generations of love.
Jen, such a beautiful quote! Today in my yoga class I talked about community and how much they aid in our health. You realizing that you needed the beach, your family and relaxation in Florida on the spur of the moment says that your intuition is spot on! Trust that. And continue to be open and honest about how you feel, what you need and what you don’t need. I am praying for “your best day” to be right around the corner! Much love.
It seriously made my soul happy to read that you booked a flight and headed back to be with your family. That is self-care at its finest 🙂 You are living out the practice of holding things in paradox. It’s not easy, but you are surviving–and surrounded by love.
Love the realness of this post… and that quote. I think we all get so wrapped up in our own lives that we don’t really think about how everyone else in the world is going through their ups and downs too. It can be easy to compare your life to someone else’s in a nonproductive way – but to actually appreciate where you are in the moment while doing so can be a challenge at certain times. Your weekend sounds so nice – a lot of reflection and quality time with the fam… if only you were reading a better book! I second the Kindle. Soooo easy to read with one hand and to carry multiple books around with you without taking up extra space!
Thank you for sharing this. It was the perspective I needed to have this morning. I’m glad you have your family just a short flight away to support you!
On a lighter note, I definitely though your Kindle did not say “mucking” and was like girrrrrl tell me what your beach read is!
❤️❤️❤️ Just giving you some heart emojis. Life is hard and things don’t turn out the way we hope. But you are incredible and that quotation is such a great reminder! (Also that picture of happy, smiling Finn is PRECIOUS!! And so many comments here are incredible.)
Beautiful post, and quote. I’m so sorry for what you are going through with your relationship right now. You are doing an incredible job with Finn, and really soaking in these baby days with him. You will not regret one moment of that when you look back. Keep hanging in there and continuing to demonstrate that unconditional love to Finn.
Jen, thank you for this. Especially these last few lines: “I don’t understand what is happening right now and why it’s happening at this time but I do trust that I will learn a tremendous amount from it. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that one day my turn will come again.” I’m going through something difficult right now that often feels never ending and hopeless, and these were just the words I needed to hear this morning. Yesterday in particular I was struggling with my situation and ended up talking to my cousin who has been through something similar. She told me that when she went to film school she remembers learning about three types of effective endings: the main character achieves her dreams and everything works out, the main character doesn’t achieve her dreams and the end is tragic, OR, and this is the most satisfying ending, the main character achieves her dreams and everything works out but not in the way she expected. And it’s so true… the third ending IS the best kind.
Wow, this really is so true!
Sometimes your blog (and the amazing comments section!) brings tears to my eyes because of how real and authentic and heartfelt it is. I don’t have any words of wisdom to offer that haven’t already been said above, but just know that your turn absolutely will come again and it will be better than you ever imagined.
Beautiful quote. And post. I’m going through a challenging time as well and relate so much to these posts. Hugs to you and Finn. <3
Jen, I’m so sorry that you are going through something tough right now. I can’t imagine how hard it is to have such a young child and have to focus on so much in your life. You are handling this with tremendous grace and strength, and we are all rooting for you.
Keep staying strong, mama <3
Thank you for this, it was what I needed to be reminded of this morning… the last few years have been one unfortunate event after the next, with no rest for the weary… and being off for summer vacation often means getting stuck in my head for far too long about how this was not the way my life was supposed to go. You continue to awe me and I’m so grateful for your authenticity and realness, as well as your ability to express it so beautifully. Just keep moving one breath at a time <3
Love love love this! You are so brave for sharing your story and I’m positive its helping people who can relate.❤
I told you. This love is like no other you have ever experienced. The grief you are going through will slowly work its way out of your system as this enormous joy as a mom takes over you. Continue to be a warrior! You are loved, Jen.
Sending love and light during these happy trying times my dear
Sending you so much love, Jen. You are a beautiful person, inside and out. And boy I’m glad you can make it down to Florida when you need it. I wish I was closer to Florida to see my parents too. Thanks for sharing this awesome message, even if it’s inspired by tough times.
Sending you all the love, Jen, for you and your little one at this time.
The quote is truly beautiful. I work with bereaved people and each day meet people at their most thoughtful and kind, even whilst they are grieving their dearest ones.
I think this is what makes everyone truly remarkable people, being our very best at the very worst of times.
Basically I’m saying your kindness and being such a great mum are shining through even at such a tough time.
Good times will come xxx
I love your real-ness so much!!!! That is all <3 <3
I love your relationship with your Grandma and that you, Finn and she have this time together on the balcony.
I hope this doesn’t come off as “weird”, but I just want you to know that I’ve read this post three separate times. Your words have stuck with me since this was published and I just really want to thank you for being so open and vulnerable with us. My heart is sad for you and I can’t even fathom how tough this must be, but you are handling yourself with so much grace. I wish nothing but peace and healing for you. You seem like such a strong, resilient and extraordinary woman. This will pass and you will push on to something better, whatever that may be.
Love this quote – its so true. And I love to hear how happy you are when you are in Florida with your family, I hear it in your words and writing, even when you don’t say it directly. May your “happy” days continually outnumber the others for you and baby Finn.
So true, thank you for sharing. This makes me think of another quote that I old dear to my heart: “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”
I spent two years trying desperately to get pregnant and went through fertility treatments and was told by numerous doctors that I would never be able to conceive with my own eggs. I now have a healthy, happy and perfect 8 month old baby daughter conceived via IUI. I read and re-read that quote many many times when I was going through my fertility journey. I am sending you SO much love for everything you are going through right now, Jen. You will come out on the other side and you will be okay <3
You are so brave to stand in that unknowing. It’s so hard, right? I’m right there with you, smack dab in the middle of my divorce and I just feel like a huge failure. But I also know that there is another way of looking at this. Maybe this is happening FOR me and not TO me. Maybe the door I banged on for so long wasn’t supposed to open because it’s the wrong door.
Anyway, I’m right there with you, white-knuckling it and trying to soften and slow down and just listen to all the goodness that is here, no matter what. Finn is gorgeous and he looks so much like you and for some reason, Tanner was brought into your life to have this beautiful boy. And maybe that’s all that matters.
Although it ain’t for punks, is it? My ex and I have been co-parenting really well, but the other day he said something that made me want to RUN HIM DOWN ON THE STREET IN MY CAR.
And yet, we do yoga for a reason, right, even if it’s just to avoid prison?
I have no doubt you will find the love of your life and at the end of all this, you are going to be so much more than fine and Finn is going to be as powerful as his mama. It’s just a storm. Batten down the hatches but know it will pass. So much love to you – you are amazing!! xoxox