The last couple of years have been really up and down for me on a personal and professional level. There have been moments where I’ve wondered how I could possibly be in any more pain and I even uttered the words “I’m dying” on more occasions than I care to admit. I believe that the biggest takeaway that I have received from my experiences is that I am, in fact, not going to die and that despite how I’m feeling and what I’m enduring that I’m going to be okay. Maybe not great or even good but at least okay. Not dying.
(source)
Last fall I was introduced to The Firestarter Sessions by Danielle LaPorte. I was listening to the audiobook on one particularly melancholy solo drive to Asheville when I heard Danielle read these words. I thought to myself, “YES, this is exactly what I have been living for the last year. And I finally believe it’s true.” Is my life exactly what I pictured it would be just two months shy of my 30th birthday? No, absolutely not. But I am not dying and my life is actually better than okay.
I have really been struggling for the past couple of weeks with feeling kind of down and directionless. The changes in season are hard for me emotionally and I have been working so much that I feel like I have no life outside of the gym. And I DO desire a life outside of work. My current work situation is not by choice for some of you who have wondered if I’m trying to ignore my life and focus on work. I’m not. I am just in an interim period with staffing some positions so I’ve been covering the responsibilities of two roles. I’m okay with the way things are because I know it’s temporary but that doesn’t mean that it’s not draining while making it through. I absolutely LOVE my job and what I do so it’s difficult to create boundaries sometimes because work doesn’t feel like work when you really enjoy what you do. But the kind of work that I’m in requires you to give of yourself and sometimes I need to take a step back to fill my own cup so I have enough to give.
(source)
So I’ve been doing some thinking of how I can peel back the layers and get to a better place, professionally and personally. I have to get myself out of the day-to-day grind and do some big picture, long-term thinking. It’s terrifying and exciting at the same time. I want to keep growing. I want to keep evolving and to continue to work to understand and come into my own power. Sad and directionless is okay. We all get there sometimes but it’s not a place you want to stay. You have to realize you are in it, admit it and then figure out how to get yourself out of it.
I listened to this speech by Eric Thomas during my run today (I desperately needed it to get me through the last half mile. I also desperately needed the run and felt a million times better after it.) and I wanted to share my favorite quote from it.
“Don’t cry to give up, cry to keep going. Don’t cry to quit. You’re already in pain, you’re already hurt, get a reward from it. Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year. But eventually it will subside. And something else will take it’s place. If I quit, however, it will last forever. You aren’t going to die. At the end of pain is success. The most important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what you are for what you will become.”
I’m not sure where this post came from and most of you know that I’m typically not a big sharer but I felt really compelled to write this down today so maybe it means that it’s a message that needs to be shared. Thank you for reading…whether I choose to post a workout, a cinnamon roll recipe or a life rant.
xo
Thanks – I’m going through a difficult time in my personal life right now and really needed to hear this. There is wisdom in your honesty.
I SO needed this post today!!
I rarely comment, but I just wanted to say that I needed this today and thank you!
My two best friends from school and I all follow your blog and look up to you so, so much! I think posts like this are a good reminder that we’re all human, there’s going to be ups and downs, but I truly do appreciate every post you put up and look forward to reading them. Sometimes a good rant is all you need! 🙂
Great read, I’m copying these inspirational words down, thanks so much for sharing!
Jen,
I read each and every PBR post and walk away more fulfilled, inspired, and happy than I came. My two best friends and I follow PBR and have tried many of your workouts and recipes. And as college students living in tiny spaces with a shared kitchen, it ain’t easy 😉 At the end of the day, please know that your blog means something special to your readers and what you are doing matters. You are an inspiration!
Can we please meet someday? HA! I have been feeling this way lately too and I agree that the change in seasons are a hard time of year; life is not easy; we are overwhelmed; tired; stressed; but at the same time I am grateful for all that I have, which I have to remind myself. I have a lot going on these next few months; a lot of change that needs to happen, because I need to be happy and live life, and have a life outside of work. It’s easy to get consumed in our jobs, when we love what we do, but we also need to live. Thanks for sharing and opening up…It’s always nice to see this other side of you. 🙂
Jen, you are far and through my favorite blogger. I love your posts and look forward to reading them each and every day. You are such an inspiration in so many aspects of life, and I am so glad you have chosen to continue to share your stories with us. My mom (who just started using Facebook) came across your page after I had liked a picture of yours, and found the image of you on the beach doing yoga in the Dominican Republic. She called me up immediately, saying that she loved whoever that was, and you exemplified what beauty truly is. I can’t say thank you enough for all you do!
Thanks for sharing Jen.
I’m going through one of those times now. A “I think I’m dying and I’m so confused” time. I told my mom recently that I’m not so much upset about the circumstances that brought me to this time, I feel like I made the right choices, but I’m upset that I have to go through this pain again. I dread the pain of sadness and confusion more than anything.
I’ve been here before, and it DOES get better like all the quotes say. It just takes time. And I guess before you get to the other side of the pain, it’s nice to know you aren’t alone going through times like this.
Caroline
Jen, your post so resonates with me. I have gone through many phases of my life when I have felt directionless and sad. I’ve felt that way when I was living hand to mouth, at the height of career success, and at times when my life appears to be at it’s fullest. Lately I’ve been going through a phase and I’ve decided to make some personal changes and rejoin the workforce. It will take some time and some training which makes me nervous but excited that I have something to look forward to. I’ve been fortunate in that I don’t have to go to “work”. But I’ve realized that I am less fulfilled now than I’ve been in a long time. Although I’ve had the opportunity to go after and achieve some personal fitness goals and am married to a wonderful man something is still missing. I end up getting in a funk and coming out of it is very difficult. I know how you feel.
Try to remember through these times that you are living such an amazing life and how much you give back to others via your profession, your blog and all that you share. You give so much of yourself. From reading your blog it sounds like you have the most amazing family and friends and it’s obvious you cherish that, from your surprise visit to your grandmother. The pieces that are missing will fall into place, it’s only a matter of time.
I look forward to getting to one of your yoga classes soon!
What a great mindset! I like the way you walked through what your perceived reality was — and now what you know it to be. It is full of hope and life — is it easy? Heck no!! But you’re gaining strength and wisdom each day — that is what makes life (even the messy parts) beautiful.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!! This is absolutely, without a doubt, exactly what I needed today.
Thank you for being so honest. It is surprising and reassuring to hear fellow readers sharing in your and my stage in life. It does help to see described the confusion that life can bring from time to time. I’m glad that you are seeing the next stage (maybe adventure?) in life as terrifying but more importantly exciting. That will keep you going in the direction that is right for you at this time. I wish you all the best. You have given me the inspiration to make some changes as well. Thank you.
I really appreciate this post and the last quote. I have been going through some tough times in my life too and I do believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. These experiences will make you stronger, happier, and more content on life. It takes time, sometimes too much time, but once you see that light, those rays bring you back to the life and there’s no chance you will want to look back.
Thank you for posting this! I needed this today as well. Love these two quotes. I hadn’t heard of the Firestarter Sessions before, but just listened to the preview clip and read a page of the preview chapter and it seems like something I need right now. So, again, thank you so much for sharing!! 🙂
I needed to hear this too. And ditto what some others said – your blog is my FAVOURITE. You’re so real!
Thanks Jen. I love These kind of posts the most. We all feel sad and down from time to time, but all it means is that we’re human. For me I just keep reminding myself that I’m exactly where I’m meant to be. I know it’s cliche, but I really think what doesn’t kill is makes us stronger. Thanks for being so inspirational! 🙂
Perfect post.
From a blogger who is at the beginning stages (mine is simply a journal of my life), this post its so nice to see. I think sometimes it is good. Even amazing bloggers like yourself can turn to the page that has made so many other people’s days better and make yourself feel better too 🙂
That quote at the end is simply perfect, in my life, and I am sure many others.
Never stop growing or blogging please 😉 Yours is one of my favorites!
I really really like this and think a lot of people can relate. I also love the quotes you gave because they are so true and there have been times when I literally can’t imagine things getting better because I feel so deep in a funk, and what do you know..they do eventually. And the really good periods are that much more special because you’ve been through the bad (as cliche as it sounds). Thanks for sharing this <3
Always need a post like this…I posted today about my dream job and goals…it was sporadic but it felt so good to just get out!
The best part of your great post today is seeing you aren’t alone. I too didn’t expect to be where I was in life right before I turned 30. I am now 34, fully divorced raising my son who is now 9, as a single mom. Didn’t ever ever ever dream this would be where I am, but I am here, and I am now more than ok! We all go through confusing periods in our lives and it is true, this too shall pass. Great post.
“Nothing is so strong as gentleness, and nothing so gentle as real strength” St. Francis De Sales.
That was beautiful, vulnerable, and steeped in compassionate, honest strength. Thank you for posting that and reminding me to never give up.
Perfect! Peeling back layers of lies I’ve told myself is difficult but the rewards are priceless. I’m liking being REAL! You are appreciated for your transparency.
Jen, thanks for another wonderful post! I’ve been feeling much of these same feelings this past semester as I wrap up my college career. Today, in particular, I just couldn’t shake my negative feelings. After I read this, I realized that it’s okay to be unsure what will happen tomorrow, next week, or next year! I read your blog daily because you are such an amazing role model to all your readers! I’ll be sending positive thoughts your way!
Love this and how real you are!
Thank you so much for sharing how you are feeling right now. The past 6 months have been such a personal struggle. It is so helpful to know I am not alone.
Thank you so much for this; you may not know it but this message and the sources that you linked really meant a lot to me; thanks Jen!
My mother would say ‘into every life some rain must fall’. I have been feeling sorry for myself lots this new year. My horse has a tendon injury that will take forever to heal, my other horse seems to be trying to kill me and I have been struggling with over use injuries in my quads, and then some weird knee pain(please don’t be a meniscus tear!) Exercise keeps me sane but it hasn’t been in the cards lately.
I heard someone say something about ‘first world problems’ and that put things in perspective for me. After all, how lucky am I to even have horses, and yes I have an injury, but I am fortunate to live in this country where we have it pretty good on the whole.
I appreciate you sharing your story. It is good to be reminded that we all have struggles to face and endure.
Thanks to the moon xo
Powerful words! You speak the truth and there is nothing better than TRUTH! I love that you shared this. It’s easy for those of us that do not know you to think that you are living a perfect life. I always have to remind myself that NO ONE has a perfect life. We all struggle, we all go through different seasons in our lives, we all have moments of sadness, we all feel lost sometimes. Thanks for sharing! Praying that during this season in your life that you are able to enjoy the moments that really matter. Life is short so make it memorable! 🙂
great post, thank you for sharing things like this every once in a while. truly appreciated and thought provoking.
Thank you for sharing. Your words are reminders of true perspective. We’ve all uttered those words too much recently and you’re right. We will be okay. We’re human we feel hurt and pain and love.
I have been going through an extremely rough season of life for the past 7 years. I kept everything a secret until a month ago when I began my blog. Sharing this info has been a huge blessing. However, I do try to remain positive during this time by remembering how much worse live could be for me. I’m not going to die!!! I’m very healthy and blessed–as are you.
Praying for you, Jen. Love reading your blog 🙂
I’ve been a reader for a few months and felt compelled to say thank you for this post. I needed to hear these words badly after what has been a rough month or so. Life’s hard right now but I will be okay and you’re right… I’m not dying.
love you, Jen -xo!
Thank you for posting this, I love reading your posts no matter what they’re about 🙂
I really needed to hear this today. Love your words of wisdom! Praying that you find that happy balance of work life, doing what you love and filling your own cup.
Hugs! 🙂
Incredible. Jen, I read your bog every day and barely ever comment, but this post meant a lot to me (and I’m sure to all your readers). Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. Many times I find myself wishing I lived in the same city as you so I could take your yoa class :). You are an inspiration to us all.
Thank you for being so open and honest, Jen. I love reading all your posts, whether they be about fitness, food, or life.
I, too, am going through a difficult time (job-wise) and love to hear about how other people work through difficult times.
You’re an inspiration to me in so many ways.
Jen, thanks so much for this post today. I can completely relate to some of what you are going through and I feel directionless and oftentimes really, really overwhelmingly sad lately. To compound my own feelings, I have been forced to deal with some unexpected health issues on the part of a family member – my best friend; my mom. It’s devastating to envision the possibility of a life without her. I have been at the stage where I contemplate letting go entirely and moving past this life… far too many times. I don’t want to let people down but I also don’t want to continue to feel like I am a burden. Anyway, I didn’t mean for this to be a confessional or anything but please know that this post has really shifted something in my thinking and hopefully for the better.
Thanks so much for this post! My husband had a really tough day work-wise and I just showed him this post. Such a good message/reminder.
I love it when you share, Jen. You always touch my heart. Thank you!
I have been reading your blog religiously every morning for 2+ years now and this is the first time I have actually commented. Thank you for this post. I think that everyone in this world, no matter how shiny and perfect their life appears to be, can relate to all of the things you have said. Life rarely goes in the direction you expect but IT’S OKAY. Roll with the punches and do your best to steer it on the course you would like. You will make it out alive.
Thank you for being such an inspiration. I can honestly say that I have learned how to lead a healthy lifestyle thanks to you. I went from being a recent college graduate eating Lean Cuisines and exercising every now and then to a young professional exercising 5 times a week and eating real food that fuels my body. Now come to Greenville, SC and teach a yoga class! 🙂
I so needed this to get through what has been a very rough time. Thank you for sharing and being such an inspiration, it is appreciated more than you can imagine!
I just learned about the Firestarter series as well and that quote you posted above resonated with me too. Things have been really rocky for me lately, and I’ve felt very lost in my own life. It’s great of you to share this, and though it’s tough, it’s nice to know that at the end of the day, it will all be okay- sometimes that is just so hard to believe!!
Anyway, best of luck to you with everything. You seem like such a grounded and level headed person, and I’m new to your blog, but find it so inspiring- workouts and cinnamon roll recipes alike!
I can only agree with all the others who speak my own thoughts when they say how much your blog is loved and needed. You are still so young! And you are way, way more together than most 30 year olds. At 40, what I know now is that there will never be a time without periods of feeling directionless and lost. It’s all just part of growth. Think of the flowers now that are blooming – for months they have been hidden and curled up in the earth and for more weeks they were still in tight little buds. They may have seemed lost or hidden or directionless but they were just growing. Lots of love to you!!
PS I learned about Danielle LaPorte through your blog and I have her book AND audiotape. I love them both! Thanks for the intro!!
Jen,
Thank you so much for sharing. I really don’t comment much on blogs anymore (used to be a blogger myself) but couldn’t not respond to this fantastic post. I so appreciate your honesty as you work through these completely understandable issues and share your brutally raw feelings about them.
I can relate to a lot of what you’re going through – the situations are definitely different but the feelings are so similar. For as long as I can remember I’ve looked forward to having a big family and focusing on being a mom. It took a LONG time for my husband to feel ready to start trying so by then I felt like it had been a long time coming. I changed careers (out of fitness) so that my body wouldn’t be overtired and took on a low stress job so I’d be ready for the kiddos. Well I ended up getting pregnant but had a painful miscarriage over the holidays and during my 30th birthday. Now after countless tests, here I am with no baby and no pregnancy and no idea whether we’ll ever have a biological child without expensive, invasive assistance. But the funny thing is I’ve learned so much about myself along the journey, my marriage as strengthened, and I feel more confident than ever in my abillity to be a working mom so that I can better support whatever family we do have. I no longer feel like I have to have a family RIGHT NOW, I know that in time it will happen and I’m a better person for having gone through what I’ve been through.
Please keep sharing what’s on your mind. I, and so many other readers, wholeheartedly enjoy and appreciate it. Thank you.
I just wanted to share one more thought which just how’s how thought provoking your great post was. (Hopefully with my rushed typing it will make sense…)
I lost my dad to cancer and my sister to suicide in my early twenties. The combination of both losses did make me feel like I was dying and, I could so relate to the endless depression that my sister felt that caused her to take her own life. I really doubted my ability to keep living without them. I forever felt like I was too weak to go on. But I did, day by day, pick myself back up and keep on living. We all the strength to overcome even the most unthinkable tragedies if we let ourselves believe we can.
Nowadays to keep on top of anxiety and other overwhelming feelings, I meditate on a short reading from ‘Saying Yes to Life (Even the Hard Parts’ by Ezra Badya). There are SOO many great readings but one that keep in my head constantly is…
Attend to one more breath, notice one more thought, experience one more sensation – again and again and again.
Hi Jen,
I so appreciate these posts. Your honesty, your vulnerability. I think that the things you’re talking about, struggling for growth, it’s a universal thing that everyone experiences on some level. I have made some big decisions in my personal life in the past year that have taken me to a place of independence – and while I relish my newfound freedom and I appreciate that those decisons were necessary and empowering, I do definitely experience some of that sadness, a sense of loss for how I expected things to be. I have been really working hard to find out how to experience those feelings, how to let them happen, and not get stuck in them. I’m still navigating that. Your blog has been helpful, this post, the post about working through grief, the post about taking the bitter with the sweet. I think about some of the things you say quite a bit. Sometimes they make the unbearable more bearable. So thank you for that. and of course I appreciate the cinnamon bun posts too, and the posts about Sullie – I just really love your blog.
I love posts like these. Reminds us all that everyone goes through life struggles and that we are not alone. I really like the fire starter quote. It really is a great way to put it since so often we all think that if something doesn’t work out as planned, it’s the end of the world.
I have had the pleasure of being on vacation this week and it made me take a step back and evaluate my priorities and life “plans”. Never in a million years could I have predicted where I am at today. Right now I am on the quest for happiness. After spending last weekend in Asheville, hiking up Graybeard, enjoying sleeping in at the hotel, and MANY wonderful meals (and repeats of carrot cake at French Broad), it was definitely what my body needed to reset. It made me realize how much time I spend running around like a crazy person on a tight schedule day in and day out; how I live on auto pilot. It felt so good to just be able to enjoy life. It made me happy. Whatever the case, may it be my refresher trip to Asheville, the fresh weather, or spending REAL time with my husband, it opened my eyes to my real priorities.
Thank you for sharing your passions, feelings, and honesty with all of us. 🙂
Thank you SO much for writing this. This is exactly what I needed to read today. I am definitely in that sad and directionless place right now, and have been struggling really hard to find a way out. Thank you again, this was super inspiring and such a good reminder that there IS a way out of every situation. 🙂
Really needed to hear this. Sometimes we need permission to let ourselves be sad and process emotions. My fav part was this, “The most important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what you are for what you will become.”
<3
You really are an inspiration as a person even though I don’t know you personally. It is so interesting how I can read your posts and completely relate with you even if I have different things going on. So many times in my life I get stressed and think that my life is over or “I’m going to die” over something that really isn’t that big of a deal…and even if it truly is, it will all be ok.
I have a lot of personal changes going on in my life right now too and I’m in a weird stage of feeling directionless too. This part “to be able at any moment to sacrifice what you are for what you will become” really resonated with me because that is exactly where I am at. Thank you so much for sharing this and I hope that you can continue to find clarity and direction in your life. You are an amazing person!
I couldn’t agree with you more, gorgeous! The key to the hardships is finding the perseverance to keep fighting though and finding the happiness in less than stellar times. You are not alone. A strong, gorgeous & driven woman like yourself will get to where you want to be <3
I always love these posts because I can only imagine it helps you feel more energized to continue moving forward. I actually think you are thriving! It may not be exactly as planned, but people love you and you love what you do…both super important! There is too much pressure to “have it all together”. It kind of feels good to go off-plan and just do what makes you truely happy. It’s your time to create the life you want with the people you want around! xoxo
Your posts are so inspiring to me in encouraging me to live a healthier lifestyle! 🙂 It is true that we all have “down” times but we’re much more resilient than we ourselves think. And God knows and cares for you!
I feel like I’ve been going through a similar situation with my work. I LOVE my job, but I have been working ridiculous hours, to the extent that I’ve let down friends in commitments I’ve made and made my personal life a nightmare to be around. Boundaries are DEFINITELY necessary, and this was great motivation at just the moment I needed it!
Thank you for sharing. It meant alot!
Jen, just a little note to say you’re inspirational and beautiful, inside and out. Much love xxx
You’re absolutely amazing, Jen. This post is just what I needed to read to kick off my weekend. I wish you brighter days ahead.
I have only been following your blog for only a bit now and really do love it… I can’t tell you how much I needed this. I have recently had some changes in my personal life and thought that it would turn out much differently than it has. Much different. It’s really saddened me at how much it has affected me and really just stopped me living and turned me into this person that just exists in the day. Am I better? I am still unsure, but I am finding it easier to be alone and not just want to cry all of the time. I wanted so much for the relationship that I was in to work out, but in the end a long distance relationship and an ex-girlfriend don’t mix well.
Thanks again for posting this 🙂
I enjoyed reading your post. I’ve found that when people allow themselves to just feel what they are feeling instead of ignore it they feel much better much quicker. if your sad be sad. if your mad be mad. just let the feeling happen and then you can move on. its people who try to fake it or don’t let themselves have a moment to think about how they are feeling that suffer the most in the long run. Good for you that you love your job so much. I don’t hate my job but i don’t love it. Take pride in the fact that what you do helps people and touches people and its your work ! i mean i’m an accountant….i can’t say the same thing : )
I’m not going through anything rough right now (thankfully) but i can tell you that i will pass your words on to someone else having a hard time and that you have made me feel thankful for the peace i’m experiencing right now. it seems to happen so infrequently ! I’m thinking of you and thinking all positive thoughts and sending them your way !! i hope you can feel it.
beautiful